Robot by the River

A temporary post... nothing to note here...

2007-10-27T17:35:00.000+09:00

I'm helping host a Halloween-themed trivia night here in town, and in order to show video clips without having to go through the time-consuming process of downloading and editing, I'm using Youtube. I figured I might as well host the clips on this site for now, rather than making a whole new one for this once-in-a-lifetime event. If you stumble upon this, you can now realize that I'm a sick and twisted individual... as if you hadn't already known.

On reasons to go home...

2007-08-31T02:32:00.000+09:00

Is it sad that "Wanting to play Bioshock" has placed itself among my top five reasons to head back to the USA?

Rob Zombie raped my childhood...

2007-08-28T22:33:00.000+09:00

Seriously... I just finished watching the recently-distributed work print of the "Halloween" remake, and man, what a piece of shit. You want reasons?

1) The completely arbitrary score, which goes from Carpenter's iconic original to some industrial Fear Factory crap with no sense of rhyme or reason. Along with this, the soundtrack is a constant anachronism, reminding you that-- just like in "The Devil's Rejects"-- Zombie believes any scene with "Freebird" playing in the background qualifies as art. The characters reflect this, too; for a movie set in the present day (or so I've gathered), it surprised me that you could insert any cast member into "Dazed and Confused" and they wouldn't seem out of place.

2) Mike Meyers as Frankenstein... bad idea. First, they hire some 7'3" WWF reject to play the character, making me think for a second that I was watching the sequel to the Kane-starring vehicle "See No Evil". Then, they decide to make the killer all emo; the last scene, where of course we're meant to have sympathy for the poor guy as Malcolm McDowell (as Dr. Loomis) delivers the most hackneyed "I know there's still a human in there" speech ever, is laughable.

3) The Slipknot masks... fuck that. I know I'm out of America right now, but as a nation, aren't we past that at this stage? (Don't answer that. I might never come back if you do.)

4) The fact that Zombie spends the first 1/3 of the movie focusing on Michael Meyer's back-story... if you've seen any movie ever, you'll know the score: widowed mother living in poverty with an alcoholic boyfriend, bullies pushing him around in school, slutty older sister, and so on. By doing this, he needs to break the rest of the movie down into Cliffs Notes form. Not that the original is some sort of epic, but there's a lot of tension that builds throughout; here, any actual scene of "horror" is disposed of in a quick 10 second slash. Where I'd say that the original was--when I saw it as a child--one of the most intense films I had seen, this one had no build-up whatsoever.

5) Malcolm McDowell... worst performance ever. The corpse of Donald Pleasance would have done better.

6) Danielle Harris naked... I was hoping for better, and what's a 30 year-old doing playing a high schooler anyways?

7) Besides Meyers, none of the other characters in the film are fleshed out at all (and really, I always thought the strength of Michael Meyers in the first film was his characterless-ness-- the constant references to "The Bogeyman", the blank stare of the mask, the fact that his character doesn't speak a word through the whole running time). One thing even people who hate "Halloween" would have to acknowledge is that Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Stroud is one of the most empathetic scream queens ever, and here, it's just another converted WB performer or something.

It could go on for longer, but I'll stop there.

I got back from Japan a few days ago. I managed to see Fukuoka, Hiroshima, Osaka, Kyoto, Nara, Himeji, and Tokyo, and somehow I'm going to have to finish reporting on my China trip from several months ago before I get to talking about it. I'm not promising anything.

Sopranos Finale

2007-06-12T00:29:00.000+09:00

My heart jumped out of my skin. I'm not quite 100% satisfied, but damn.

(I won't say anything else, in case one of the five people who read this thing watch the show but haven't seen the last episode for some reason... if that's the case, put a finger in both your ears until you can get a hold of it.)

China (Day Two)

2007-06-11T16:23:00.000+09:00

Before I go into the (roughly) verbatim journal translation, I should maybe set some context. I went to China during my school's vacation for 15 days in February. I took the trek alone, armed only with a backpack, my Nintendo DS, and a thoroughly-skimmed Lonely Planet. I moved mountains, I dried up rivers.

Day Two (advance apologies for being banal):

"I woke up originally at 8:00, but fell back asleep until I was called about my safety deposit box. (I guess I was more tired than I originally thought). I managed to get out of the hotel by 9:30, and hopped in a cab towards the Summer Palace. Traffic is terrible here (then again, it's the holiday season), and people drive bearing no mind towards lanes. Taxis rarely have working seatbelts so the whole thing can be unnerving. We eventually got there-- maybe 45 minutes for what seemed like 10 of actual movement.

The Summer Palace was by no means underwhelming, but it was disappointing that I came in Winter because most of the waterways were dry and there wasn't a flower in sight; I'd imagine being here in the Summer or Spring would be mind-blowing. I hit most of the major sites within, and continually kept running into the same Canadian family. I took a billion photos (several which are posted here), hiked all day, and listened to a combination of Nick Drake and Howard Stern on my iPod. Had a massive stack of pork dumplings (three times what you'd get at an American Chinese place (or Korean mandu place) for only 27 RMB) and some tea (probably just a novelty and nothing to marvel over, but the tea was actually just a seed dropped into my cup, which then sprouted into a 'peach flower'.)

I was also abducted by a girl selling paintings, trying to sell me on the idea that they were all done by students at a famed calligraphy school; I found later on in the Forbidden City that this is a popular scam at every site in Beijing, and thankfully I got out of there pretty quickly with no money spent. Was dragged around a little, too, on Shuzhou Street (a market surrounding a man-made lake), but again, I wasn't held up for long.

I left the Summer Palace in the late afternoon to hit Frank's Place, a rugby bar in the Changxou district; understand, by the way, that while there are a few staple Korean dishes that I enjoy, I dearly miss the variety of food that I can get in the West (in Pusan, you can count the number of non-franchise foreign restaurants on maybe two hands). I wandered aimlessly (a pattern that would change once I got out of Beijing), passing two men who were acting the part of falconer to some pigeons. Each man would throw a bird up in the air, pull out a blowgun filled with seed, and shoot the seed into the sky; the bird would seemingly catch the seed in mid-air and return to the man's palm. Pretty impressive... definitely more entertaining than the Ajumma crooners you find on the streets here periodically.

I also saw men sitting along the sidewalk getting their heads shaved, but when I went to take a photo, I was shooed away by a woman with a broom.

I found the street for Frank's Place, but went to a huge clothing market across the street first. In the parking lot, I was lured to a car where a man was selling pirated DVDs; the only thing that looked like it would be a quality purchase was "Eagle vs Python", but I only was willing to offer 3 RMB and he seemed offended, slapping me on top of the head with the plastic case.

The store was better, definitely a bargainer's dream. It also made me realize just how many foreigners are here, and they're from all over. You hear accents and languages of all kinds here, far different from Korean cities. I haggled well, but bought nothing (I was still gun-shy at this stage of the trip); one girl got pretty upset with me after I convinced her to sell me a 480 RMB "Northface" backpack for 140 RMB and then backed out of the deal. As I was leaving, she continually yelled, "Crazy!" and pointed in my direction. Awkward times.

Frank's Place had closed down, according to the host at The Den, a similar rugby-themed bar/restaurant. It was an okay replacement, I guess-- classier than O'Brien's (Pusan's ex-pat equivalent), with a larger and better food menu. I had some Bangers and Mash, as well as a few glasses of Tsingtao (pretty cheap here). As expected, a slew of foreigners were there; they're an awful lot more cosmopolitan than the ones in Seoul even."

(An aside: This has got to read like drying paint, I'd imagine. Just skip to photos and videos unless you're my mom.)

"From there, I wandered down the street and found a few places of note:

1) The Red Club - from the outside it looked like it might be a club dedicated to Kickball, but instead it turned out to be soccer. There was a bar with cheap drinks inside a tent, with two adjoining indoor soccer fields where locals played in leagues. A cool idea that probably would never work in Pusan due to lack of space.

2) Bar Bus - A double-long bus with several beer ads pasted alongside it. I went in to get a drink and was immediately in conversation with a Nigerian DJ; from the way he was talking, I knew he would ask me if I wanted drugs within the first five minutes. I went with the "You never know when you might get drug-tested in Korea" routine, and the moment Nelly came on the stereo, I knew it was time to go.

I realized at this point that my hotel (The Friendship Hotel) was pretty distant from most of what was happening in Beijing, and thankfully I had only booked two days, planning on spending the latter half of my time there in a hostel closer to the center of town. I headed home, took a bath, and went to bed early so I could check out with plenty of time to explore tomorrow."

Okay. Two days down, 13 to go. Things picked up once I got to a hostel, if I remember right.

Late Night Question

2007-06-10T04:15:00.001+09:00

Living in Korea, there's a roughly 12 hour delay between the normal airing of a television program and the time it's available on most Torrent sites. The Sopranos series finale will be aired this Sunday (in the States), and I'm becoming increasingly paranoid about having it spoiled for me... which leads me to my question.

Should I just put on a total embargo on all websites until I have a chance to watch the finale? Do you think checking my email via Yahoo is safe? Can I go to video game sites or sports sites? I assume I'd be crazy to check out Salon.com or Slate, right?

I've had fears of spoilers ever since my experience with "The Sixth Sense" (a long story involving the St. Louis Post Dispatch and bold-face), which I probably would have thought was crap even if I hadn't known what happened before-hand, but I've never been as concerned as I am now. The Sopranos, faults aside, is probably my favorite television series ever, and it'd be a shame to make a wrong click and see a screenshot of Tony sprawled out, dead on the floor, five minutes before I have to teach my next class.

China (Day One)

2007-06-09T15:11:00.000+09:00

Alright. I know that the only way I'll ever get all of this on here for my parents (and whoever else stumbles along) to see is if I type straight from the journal I kept. This means that it will most likely be unreadable and inane for all but those especially close to me. Part of me thinks making this a private blog would be the way to go because I'm always concerned that some dope from Pusan who doesn't know me will stumble upon it and go out of his/her way to snicker. Let's see what happens.

And I quote:

"First day was a mess... got to the Friendship Hotel at around 3:00, marveled at its size and got a plane ticket to Shanghai for Monday. Headed to find Quanjude Peking Duck restaurant near Tiananmen Square because I was starving-- plane food sucked. Wandered after meeting a Dutch couple on the subway who commented on my Lonely Planet book; already, I've run into them and a group of Germans, leading me to believe that Beijing is far more international than any city in SoKo.

Walked up and down the streets but couldn't quite get my bearings; a grizzled man with a cart bike urged me to get in after showing directions and like an idiot I complied. It maybe took five minutes to bike there, and the whole way merchants and other riders looked on jealously and heckled. When we arrived at the restaurant, he pulled out a board that said "Standard Fare - 10, Double Fare - 100, Luxury Fare - 250." Of course, he tried to get 250 RMB (roughly $30) off me, and while I scoffed and tried to give him considerably less, he pushed me and yelled things in Mandarin. I ended up escaping paying the 'bargain price' of 50 RMB after a younger Chinese woman stepped in and yelled at him for trying to rip the tourist off.

Very impressed with Quannude; just a gorgeous restaurant that feels like you're eating in someplace five times more expensive than what it is. Peking duck was outrageously good. Server slices it at the table side, and you wrap the meat in a wafer-thin pancake, topping it with scallions and plum sauce. A full serving was less than $15.

I walked around Tianenmen for a while, but it was really dead. I'm surprised how quiet it is here. Korea is far more chaotic in terms of pedestrians. I got bored and headed home on the subway (which shakes uncontrollably-- it feels like a hydraulic ride at a county fair).

When I got home, I wandered the streets looking for anything to do, but found nothing. In the hotel complex, there's a TGI Friday's that has been blasting Avril Lavigne songs repeatedly, and a bar called George's that looks entirely unpopulated. I called it a night and went back to my place to get room service (unlike Korea, there isn't a convenience store to be found in my part of town). I ordered an apple juice and a Sprite (they wouldn't let me order two apple juices for some reason). "Constantine" was on. It seemed pretty shitty, and I passed out with a Sprite in hand."

Uneventful doesn't begin to describe my first day in China, but things got considerably better from here. I apologize for tense inconsistencies and whatever else. Again, I'll never put this stuff up here unless I type it out this way.

(Some missing information from Day One):

"I didn't mention walking through the droves of souvenir salesmen near Tiannemen. What a mess. I was being abducted from all angles by guys selling wares; several times, guys would place hats on my head or watches in my hand, followed by demands that I pay for them, then followed by curses as I handed the merchandise back and walked away silent. One day in and I hate shopping in China, despite hearing from several people here that it's a consumer's paradise. The vendors here are far more aggressive than Koreans, even getting physical at times.

Also, I stumbled into a Chinese video arcade, which was mostly unremarkable. I was impressed that they had cigarette packs in the crane machine (even though nothing beats the set of jumper cables I found in one here in Pusan), two units of Operation Wolf 3 (!?), and a Namco trackball game called Armadillo Racking. People seemed really into Street Fighter 2 and SNK fighters still."

(Also, I realize that my whining in these initial diaries makes me seem like (1) a stupid tourist and (2) an entirely uninteresting person. I'm not denying either one.)

Added to my list of regrets...

2007-06-09T14:30:00.000+09:00

I doubt many of you remember this, but towards my final year in Columbia, I tossed around the idea in my mind of making a documentary about the annual International Classic Game Tournament held at a New Hampshire video arcade called Funspot. I had read up on it quite a bit, and was particularly fascinated by the array of participants that took part each year; from Israeli physicists to Canadian concrete testers, the people who were going out of their way to master these digital dinosaurs seemed to be the polar opposite of the classic gamer stereotype (i.e. 40 year-old man with ass permanently attached to the couch in his Mom's basement, remnants of a Cheeto stuck in his teeth). This article from the Boston Phoenix officially sold me on the idea that the drama of this event would make for a great movie.

Well, I never pursued it like I wanted to, even though I remember Ryan Woodsmall and I briefly discussing taking a vacation to attend this event and some Buffalo Wing Eating Competition close-by, and now someone else has gone and done it.

It's a tad different, I know, and definitely a better idea than a straight telling of the competition. From what I've gathered, this is apparently going to be one of the documentaries of the year, receiving great write-ups all over. The director even has been signed on to do a remake, a la "Dogtown and Z-Boys"/"Lords of Dogtown".

I don't doubt that this guy did a much better job with the idea than I ever would have (personally, as someone who loves video games, I think it looks REALLY good), but I can't help but kick myself a little. When I get home from Korea though, I fully plan on fulfilling my dream of mastering this:

Mark Shelley, does my high score at CBGB's still stand?

The Sopranos

2007-05-23T03:16:00.000+09:00

(If you haven't been watching the latest season of The Sopranos or have never given a care to begin with, don't read further)

I don't want to ramble on about this show too much because it's been a continual disappointment for a few seasons now. If you haven't heard, this is the final season, and with that, people who have stuck with this show naturally expect resolutions for all of the 500 plot lines that have went unresolved.

Now I love this show to death--if I had to rank my favorite shows of all time, it would be neck-and-neck for first place with The Wire and The Simpsons--but the formulaic way recent seasons have played out has been frustrating and with this week's episode (the fourth-to-last), this season seems to be following the same trend.

In the past several seasons, either a character that has been paid little attention to in the past or one that hasn't existed at all has become the focal point for the season's major plot line. We've had to deal with the sudden appearance (and disappearance) of Joe Pantoliano and Steve Buscemi, and from my perspective, it all came to a low point with Vito Spatafore and Johnny Cakes (anyone named John's nickname from this point on, I'd imagine), a subplot that was hinted at in maybe five seconds of film stock two seasons prior. In the first half of the final season of one of the most pivotal television shows in history (if you haven't watched it, you really should take the time; from its inception, it signified the next step in 'mature' television), we were stuck following the travails of a character pretty low on the totem pole, under the notion that his death would take the conflict between Jersey and New York to the ultimate level (aside from the shitting-in-the-shower incident a few episodes ago, it hasn't even been an issue). It was all pretty lackluster; I didn't expect a bloodbath every week, but I was at least hoping for something more than hastily-finished story arcs for my favorite characters in television. You don't need a bloodbath each week to make me happy, but you need to move the story somewhere.

But again, with only a few episodes left, The Sopranos is basing its storyline around a character that has been in the shadows for almost all of its run. Up until a few episodes ago, the character of AJ Soprano has been most notable for his one-note portrayal by Robert Iler, maybe made less effective when considering that his television sibling, Meadow Soprano, is played by the considerably-doable Jamie Lynn-Sigler. If you would have asked me which story lines I wanted to see the writers focus on before this season, AJ's would have fallen far into the list, and I don't think I'm alone here. I understand where HBO wants to end this show, but should I really believe that AJ has went from maturing boyfriend to depressed victim to silent hooligan to intellectual college student to self-absorbed nutcase in the course of a few episodes after he developed so little in the first five seasons. The show is pulling the same crap it's done in the past, trying to force viewers to care about a peripheral character in the span of a few episodes simply because there's no other medium to propel the plot forward.

(Also, anyone else notice that Tony started quoting his mother's most famous line ("Oh... Poor you") several times when talking to AJ this episode? Could the writers have forced this 'character development' any more deliberately?)

Not that things haven't been good. Up until this latest episode, I've been really satisfied, and I would take an average episode of The Sopranos over the best episodes of Heroes (week after week of entertaining fluff, but its ripped-off ideas far outshine its acting and writing) any day of the week. I've loved most of this season, but I really don't want to see the final episodes find their sparks in one of the weakest characters (and actors) in the show. Please HBO. Please.

(And while you're at it, start the new season of The Wire before I leave Korea so I can download it illegally with no worries about repercussions. Thanks. Seriously, I love you guys, even if you are responsible for Entourage.)

A significant day...

2007-05-20T23:26:00.000+09:00

Not particularly really, given that I worked from 11:00 until 9:00 on what had to be the most beautiful Sunday we've had in a while. There was a little rain last night, but not a cloud in the sky today; I'd imagine the beach was lined with people as far as the eye could see, but alas, I was going through the motions, practicing TOEFL speeches with students for the umpteenth time. My workday ended with my delightful Asia Pacific University hopefuls at the Foreign Language High School.

I've never been there on a Sunday, so I wasn't really sure what the students would be up to. My class had made a plan to order Domino's, which led me to skip lunch and only down two bananas over the course of the day. Since all the students do on Sunday is study by themselves (with only a few Third Grade teachers watching over them), a group of guys and I decided to head out to the field and play a quick game of 3-on-3 basketball.

The kids thought they would take it easy on me by teaming me up with the two tallest guys, one of whom is fittingly nicknamed "Sea Lion". He's all gangly limbs and hang-dog face, and his striking inability to dribble made me smile all game. When the ball was in his hands, he didn't quite panic, but instead held it in the air like he was given a pole with plates spinning atop it. Most of the students at the high school are remarkably coordinated, but occasionally you'll find one who you'd think would even have difficulty standing up from his chair; "Sea Lion" fit the bill.

The game itself was just as awkward. First of all, Korean schools rarely (actually, from what I've seen, I'd say never) shell out the dollars for paved basketball courts, so we had to play on sand-covered ground. On top of that was the fact that I was probably a little more aggressive a player than what they were used to; I pulled a near-Bowen-on-Nash knee to the groin against one of my favorite students (Joshua) when I mistimed a jump to block his shot. You can tell you're playing with some passive guys when you're dominating the boards standing a mere 5'7". Also, there was a soccer game (far more popular with students here) going on right next to us, so periodically a wide shot on net would sail dangerously close to our heads. Somehow, we played for an hour in these conditions, and all I could think of was how popular Shaun Lee would have been if he moved out here. The kids treated me like I was an And1 star simply because I explained how to run a give-and-go and taught them the "Airball" chant.

From there, we feasted on two pepperoni pizzas and practiced our interviewing skills. I'm a little nervous teaching this class because unlike 99% of everything else I've taught in Korea, the ability of my students to use what I'm teaching will have real and immediate ramifications; maybe even more-so than in the States, the university application process seems like do-or-die for kids here. I feel as close to this group of students as I have any class I've taught here, so it'll break my heart if even one of them isn't accepted. (But that's not gonna happen.)

I need to get some photos of "Sea Lion" up. He showed me this portfolio he made today, and in it was a photo of him at the school singing competition, where he sang "A Whole New World" with a girl, who I naturally asked about upon seeing the picture.

"She is my female friend."

I nudged him. "Do you mean your girlfriend?"

He looked at me as if I was deaf. "No. Her gender is female... and she is my friend. She is my female friend."

(Minor Question: Is Youtube working for anyone yet? I changed some settings on my account and am hoping that did the trick. Anyone?)

More on Starcraft 2...

2007-05-20T23:07:00.000+09:00

After watching this...

this...

and this...

I've come to the realization that I need a new PC. All I need to decide now is whether I should buy one now or wait a few months to hear what specs I need.

Also, some of you might not be aware of just how big this announcement is in Korea. This blog does as good a job as any to fill in the gaps.

And for those of you who aren't into games, I feel for you. I really do.

One of the greatest days in Korean history...

2007-05-19T20:11:00.000+09:00

You may or may not know about this. I'm as excited as anyone, and now maybe my Jim Raynor jokes won't result in awkward silence.

(It's been a busy week, if you're looking for reasons why I've failed to post much. Things should cool down considerably in a few days, and then I plan on sitting down and taking care of business here.)

Youtube Problems

2007-05-15T17:14:00.000+09:00

I've had two people tell me that they haven't been able to watch the Youtube video I posted a few days ago. I tried watching it from three different computers, and it's worked fine on all three, but if other people are having this problem, please let me know. I'm planning on putting up a lot of videos from my China trip, and I'd rather nip this in the bud before I start those posts. Thanks.

Reasons why I should have a camera on me at all times...

2007-05-15T16:26:00.000+09:00

1) A week ago, I was walking down the street and noticed a second-hand clothing store with a rack of jackets outside the door. The PNU area offers a lot of window-shopping opportunities, and at this point it takes an awfully-bizarre piece of apparel to make me rubberneck. On this rack though was a black pin-striped windbreaker with a Dumbo-like smiling elephant and the words "Black Gangs" stitched above it. Without a photo, you'll just have to take my word.

2) Last night, I took a group of four students that I'm helping prepare to enter Asia Pacific University out for dinner. They had finished all of their application materials, and I figured it would be a good way to celebrate and boost morale, since we still have interviews to work on.

(Understand, by the way, that high school students in Korea have among the most arduous schedules in the world (they start school at 7:00 AM and leave at 10:00 PM); as much as I was taking them out because I was proud of them, it also had a lot to do with sympathy.)

(Also understand that teachers can take a group of students out to dinner here without having to worry about how that could be misinterpreted as me being lecherous scum.)

So we went to a seomgyeopsol buffet a few blocks down from the school. For 5000 won a person, we were able to feast on an unlimited supply of 'fresh' meat, gimchi, garlic, veggies, and fresh baby octopus. I've been there before, and I've always avoided eating the octopus, but the students (also not very interested in the tentacled cuties) and I thought it would be fun to play a game that involved potentially eating the parts of one. I'll explain the game we played ("Catch a Mouse", made popular on one of the 800 talk shows that rule the airwaves here) another day, but needless to say, I lost a few times.

The octopus was not filleted or anything like that; seafood here is normally just delivered whole-bodied, so as not to mask the true identity of what you're eating. To cook, we just threw the guys on the grill in the center of our table, cutting off a few legs from the torsos and for the game, chopping a few heads off and placing them in a row on a plate. The first time I lost I didn't take that much time to question whether or not I could stand eating the noggin; I poured some water as a chaser, picked it up with my chopsticks, and chowed down. Seom, the most boisterous of the kids, demanded that I chew at least five times, so I followed her orders. Its head reminded me of a hard-boiled egg-- rubbery on the outside, but on breaking the outer layer, a mixture of creamy and flaky. According to the kids, my face was contorting in a way they've never seen, but after I downed it with some water, I decided eating the head wasn't all that bad. I had one more head and a few arms that night, and I managed to make it out alive.

I figure now the next step is to go to Jagalchi fish market and eat some live eel; I'll keep you posted.

An abbreviated update

2007-05-14T13:42:00.000+09:00

So before delving into what promises to be a long set of posts about my trip to China (all the way back in February), I figured an update about what I'm doing in my life now would serve me well. When last we spoke, I was working for ECC, a well-known franchise hagwon that has its advantages and disadvantages. I was neck-deep in a relationship with a Canadian gal, and so certain aspects of my life (the decent potential of re-separating my shoulder in a night of whiskey-fueled debauchery, the even-better potential of mastering all four races in Warcraft III, and the almost-certain potential of spending countless nights catching up with Battlestar Galactica, The Wire, et al) were diminished. Life has changed.

Okay, let's think of this in terms of categories, since it'll make the process of typing this out that much more simple:

My Job

I escaped ECC (and I don't use that verb lightly) last August, and am now working for Pusan Foreign Language High School in Yeonsan-Dong. It would take patience that I don't have to fully articulate the differences between the two schools, but I'll do my best to give you the basics.

The kids here are among the best in the city, and in terms of conversational English, I'd put a good percentage of them up there with students I had in St. Louis; actually, there are a few students I have who have studied in St. Louis, and although he's not in my class, there's a kid here who continually lets me know that he prays for the Cardinals and considers Albert Pujols to be "the home run king". I don't need to slow down my speech or dumb down my vocabulary around them, and I can teach slang and idiomatic expressions to them without feeling like I'm wasting my time. They still have outrageous names, the best probably being "Arrr", "Maxer", "Tepsca", "Tinky Winky", and "Dingyo", although I'm a little tired of students choosing to be named after players on Manchester United. All in all, I'd say teaching here has been far and away my favorite job in education, and that includes my experiences in the States.

My Living Situation

Upon leaving ECC I had to find a new apartment; schools here typically pay for your residence, but the Foreign Language High School doesn't cover those costs so I had to go it alone. I moved out to the Pusan National University area, which is considerably more lively than Shinmandeok, my old digs. Rent is a little much at $440 a month for a decent-sized, fairly-new studio, and I could find cheaper, but it's located about 5 minutes from the subway and several restaurants/bars I frequent. My landlord is a tad sleazy, I think, and I get the pleasure of living next door to him; something about his swagger and his look makes you think he douses himself in soju every night, but I've never heard any drunk outbursts from the other side of the wall.

My Habits

To be honest, I can't say life is all that exciting for me right now. I earn money, lose it and win it back (please?)playing poker, and download everything I can get a hold of. On an occassional day I'll dance on tables, but it's just not like it used to be. I've been running four miles a day, an alternative to doing muay thai/jujitsu on Sundays (I did that for around two months-- enough where I think I'd stand a better chance with Paul Fehler now, but don't call me Fedor quite yet). I ponder buying an 80 GB Video iPod a lot, enough that you could make a case for it being a hobby.

Girls, girls, girls

I wish I could say something on this front. The Canadian and I broke up, but sometimes the lunar cycle has caused strange things to happen. This town is so full of beautiful girls that I've suddenly stopped caring; every now and then my apathetic trance is broken, but after nearly two years, short skirts don't mean what they used to. If any of you could send pictures of the average American woman to remind me of how good I've got it here, that'd be a big help.

Future Plans

Leaning heavily towards re-entering proper American adulthood by starting graduate school next fall or winter. I'm not quite sold on any career path still, which is a problem. I feel terribly stagnant in Korea right now, but I am making money--probably more this year than what I would make as a teacher with 20 years under my belt in the States. All suggestions are welcome... seriously.

Just stumbled out of Dong-A's new bar...

2007-05-13T01:00:00.000+09:00

There's a fine gentleman by the name of Dong-A who essentially has a monopoly in the 'foreigner bar' real estate, and he's recently opened a new establishment two floors below the well-frequented Crossroads. It's aiming to be a sports bar, which are actually an endangered species in Pusan; I can count on one hand bars I know of that even bother marketing their sports coverage with any regularity, so it's probably a solid business move on Dong-A's part if he runs it correctly (and there's little reason to believe he wouldn't, given his domination over the foreigner market).

So I decided to stop by there about an hour ago, not really expecting a whole lot since it doesn't officially open for another couple of weeks. Now I'm a strong believer in the idea that programming the big screen (when sports aren't available) at a local bar can be a big influence on the number and consistency of people attending your bar; you've got a home theater and a crowd of people who will only periodically pay attention to what's on the screen, and if you show me 'Deathrace 2000', 'Crippled Masters', or 'Born to Fight', I promise you I will stay for an additional three beers, at least. Now if there are movies that will keep me there, there are, of course, ones that will make me leave... which brings me to my point.

I haven't watched it the whole way through, so maybe I shouldn't pass judgment, but could you go more wrong than to have this playing across your bar's televisions on a Saturday night? I guess you could argue--as a guy playing pool did tonight--that it shows off your audio system, but is there anything else you could say? At least in 'United 93' I didn't need to look at Ghost Rider's ugly mug.

It's about time...

2007-05-12T19:21:00.000+09:00

I understand that my repeated promises to update and mild flirtations with logging on have made me come across as a do-nothing, and by all means that's an apt description... but this lone video is a start, I hope. Life has changed quite a bit for me here, and so I guess my best excuse for dropping out of contact with the world of blogging is that it's been awful intimidating to try to capture where my life has gone in the past 12 months (or more, I think). Okay, I need dinner like you wouldn't believe. Here's some video of my students at my new school. Explanations to come.

The hills are alive with the sound of content...

2006-01-12T11:47:00.000+09:00

Yeah, I know... a lot has happened in the past two months, but nothing so damn monumental that I felt the need to write about it. I went to Seoul, built some Gundam models, bought a Nintendo DS (all hail "Fire Emblem"), and celebrated a holiday or two. I should probably write about these things at some point for my memory's sake, but we'll see.

In the meantime, there's no post easier than the one I'm about to write. My older students are asked to turn in journals once a week, and far more so than the ramblings of American high schoolers, they are delightful. Here are some of my favorites, transcribed to the best of my ability:

"Title: Calligrapher

Today I studied calligrapher and I was very exited. I studied SajaSugoa (random han'gul) first and next draw bone. This is very hard and feebly but my study will give help and my brother have very big an accident because my brother pour india into the floor. This was very worst. My brother is hateful and cursed."

"Title: Boyfriend

I have a boyfriend. His name is Kim Hyung. He isn't handsome and not tall. But I like him very much. He plays soccer and sports very well. He is friendly and kindly for me. We fell in love October 4th. We will have 100 day at Jenuary 11th and my birthday is Jenuary 9th. We had problem now. We don't see in winter vacation =( Very sad!! I like him forver!! I like 'like' more than 'love'."

"Title: Sleep

Today is very cool. I afternoon sleep and go went to living room to sleep. Was 10 time sleep. By way, why is my sleep long? I think it is FAQ... I think tonight is doesn't sleeping so I go sleep 8 pm but I was not sleep. What is the easy sleep solution?"

"Title: School

I went to school. School is very funny friends and really comic. School is very bad. Very angry teacher and really bad friends in there. School is I think so-so. Why? Because very funny friends and really comic vs very angry teacher and bad friends is draw. School is very difficult."

"Title: Dream

I was sleeping yesterday afternoon. I had a dream. Dream's name was "Pig and Dance." In the dream, is very bad because I and pig is danced. I think pig is really smells. My mother hear my pig dream and making is happy. Why?"

The final three were written by Joey, one of my favorite students. He's only 11, is by far the shortest person in his class, but seems strangely introspective and adult. Just a side-note.

Anyways, I get to grade these things each and every day. Life, as I'm sure you can imagine, is fantastic, and hopefully I'll be posting more frequently once again.

You have no idea how powerful madness can be...

2005-11-26T12:58:00.000+09:00

Has there ever been a trailer so bad that you could create a drinking game around it?

Really dying to see this one...

Did I mention that Jayooland has a zoo??!!!

2005-11-21T12:50:00.000+09:00

Jayuland!!!

2005-11-21T12:46:00.000+09:00

Taejongdae Redux

2005-11-21T02:40:00.000+09:00

A lack of funds toward the end of the work month made it impossible for Marie and I to venture out of Busan this weekend, so since she had never been there, we decided a trip to Taejongdae would suffice. Taejongdae? Too bored to write a historical description myself, so this is from lifeinkorea.com:

According to tradition, the park was named for King Taejong Muyul (654-661) of the Silla Dynasty who practiced archery here after unifying the Three Kingdoms. During the Joseon period, King Taejong (1400-1418) is reputed to have visited here for recreation and pleasure. The magistrate of Dongnae also came here during a major drought to offer prayers for rain.

Taejongdae is one of the famous tourist attractions in Pusan, with its white lighthouse overlooking the green sea. Many people enjoy eating fresh raw fish on the rocky shore, taking a boat around the Olyuk ('five or six') Islands, and seeing the famous 'Suicide Rock.' When the weather is nice, Daema Island (Tsushima in Japanese) can be seen in the distance, 56 km away. The scene from the observation deck is beautiful and the white lighthouse together with the green sea looks very exotic.

Back to EFF...

Personal highlight: we managed to take a 30 minute cruise around the peninsula and surrounding islands, all for a cheap 6000 won. Taejongdae isn't quite the most fascinating place I've been to here, but I'll give it credit for having very walkable sidewalks; in all of the temple visits I've been on, it's always been in the back of my mind that I could easily twist an ankle at any step. In the case of Beomeosa, Marie and I went down the rock pathway in the pitch black without a flashlight, and in that case, I was certain that death or permanent injury was a possibility. You don't face any of that in Taejongdae; whether that's a good or bad thing is up to you.

Boring photos from this point on, most taken from the "Pleasure Boat" cruise; feel free to make a Minnesota Vikings joke if you'd like:

Cap'n Art Valley... girls: note the golden wind-swept hair

Pebble Beach: Boat cruises are an affordable 6000 won

A rowdy gang of Pocket Bike riders pushed us around in the Taejongdae parking lot... Altamont would have gone much differently if these guys were in charge

I don't know whether I should be concerned or entertained by this...

2005-11-21T01:10:00.000+09:00

Fire escape technology hasn't quite made it past the "Die Hard" stages yet... Part of me is tempted to light a match just to try this baby out.

Do you wanna touch?

2005-11-17T23:15:00.000+09:00

Yeah!

Wanted to be sure that this news didn't pass any of you by. Not quite as bizarre as Phil Spector, but still...

New Game (Variation on Braveheart)

2005-11-15T18:28:00.000+09:00

"Back in the day", when excessively drunk, my friends and I would play a game named "Braveheart". The game required very little: only a wiffleball bat and some derringdo. The rules: two men/women--one holding a wiffleball bat--stand back-to-back, take 10 steps away from each other, and turn around. The one without the bat closes his/her eyes and puts his/her behind his/her back. (I focus on the political correctness only because the best person I've ever seen play this game happened to be a woman). The bat-wielder has three chances to throw the bat at the other person, with the objective being to hit them either in the head or crotch. A stomach or arm shot is worth points, but not the same amount as the more damaging areas. Often this game would result in no real damage, but periodically a ringer would smile, toss the plastic at a perfect trajectory, and land a direct hit on the opposition's grill, and the crowd would celebrate as if the Wall had fallen.

I've adapted this game to the hagwon classroom, and it was a great success this afternoon. I'm fortunate enough to have one class that has only two students, both male, and it hit me today that Korean children are more than sadistic enough to enjoy playing "Braveheart". I wasn't quite brave enough to let them use anything harder than a tennis ball, and rather than having them face each other, I had them turned in opposite directions. Still, watching them throw the ball over their backs and at the other kid brought joy to my heart, and while there were only five "hits", the victor did an inconceivable dance of joy each time it happened. No damage was done, and Liam and Joseph high-fived me harder than they ever have when leaving the classroom.

I'm not saying you should try it out in your classes, but I know it's now a permanent staple of this one.

Never seen this before...

2005-11-15T11:03:00.000+09:00

But it's the closest anything has come to making me laugh as hard as the Carl Lewis video did in a long time. Where's Mark Shelley to trump me?

More Pohang Photos

2005-11-15T01:50:00.000+09:00

No real stories to tell here, only photos to show. Of the hiking mountains I've been on, Pohang definitely had the most visual potential, but the crowds diminished the enjoyment level. Maybe if I had more than Sunday off... Anyways, here are some more photos (Credit to Marie, whose camera is still working and whose shutter skills are unmatched)

I never include many photos from inside the temples for some reason, but I have plenty of 'em.

Lotte Cinema and other recent movie-watching debacles...

2005-11-14T12:58:00.001+09:00

Lotte Cinema, taking residence on the top floor of Samyeon's enormous Lotte Department Store, has recently become my movie theater of choice in Korea. While it only has 12 theaters, it shows films well into the night, with some showings starting as late as 2:00 in the morning. You don't need to stand on long lines to buy a ticket (and the crowds get damn large if you go on a weekend afternoon or evening), since the cashiers use a number-calling system similar to what you'd see at the DMV. There's an Internet Station right down the hall that you can waste time at while waiting for your movie to start (or if you're going to an earlier time, you can always shop on one of the other floors or dine on some Dunkin Donuts in the food court one level below). No arcade here, but there's a 7-11 on the same floor that keeps the same hours as the cinema, meaning you can purchase a precious Hite Stout/squid chips combo and sneak it in the theater; in fact, I don't even think you need to keep beer-drinkin' a secret here.

Not really a feature that I normally include when judging a theater: the entire place has a cruise ship theme, including tile mosaics of nautical compasses and boat wheels, a fake ocean view seen through the glass elevator as you're approaching the floor, and a fog horn that bellows every couple of minutes. It has a kitschy appeal similar to what Ronnie's has in St. Louis, and when you get to a theater near midnight, the sight of baby blue neon makes your psychology a little more sunny.

Managed to catch "Corpse Bride" (beh) and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" (again, but it just opened here) here over the past couple of weeks, and some melodramatic martial arts/art film (a la "Crouching Tiger", "Hero, "House of Flying Daggers", so on and so forth) opens this week, so I'll more than likely catch that and try to interpret the plot on visuals alone. My plan is to make a trip to Lotte Cinema a weekly thing, even if many English-language features aren't on the horizon. Fortunately, that's not the case; we should have the new "Harry Potter" and "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" to subversively make me Wiccan and Christian respectively, and I can't imagine "King Kong" won't make its way here.

Also, Marie and I have been frequenting DVD Bangs quite a bit lately. I'll get back to that later.

Persimmon Trees

2005-11-14T12:58:00.000+09:00

Jordan
Donnie
Jonathan
Joey

Danny

In my yet-to-be-posted detailing of my trip to Pohang with Marie, I'll provide ample words, but I figured I'm at school and could be brief with this post. Marie and I often dispute who the better photographer is between us, and while it's definitely her, we figured we could have a competition of sorts via my blog. Our theme: Persimmons. To reduce bias, I am not letting you know who took which photo, but if you could write a comment on which one is your favorite, that'd be great. Thanks.

Pohang

2005-11-14T12:47:00.000+09:00

I am writing this soon... promise. I figured I should put this up at this point though.

Pohang

soccer team

Bogyeong Temple

Pepero Day!!!

2005-11-12T18:29:00.000+09:00

"Woman in White" and "Man in Black" are slightly more classy brands of Pepero, and both have chocolate cookie bits scattered throughout the chocolate dip. Only my best students received these.

Several boxes of Pepero in all their glory. Also, my left knee.

Pepero, but no knee. I'm very fond of the strawberry-flavored ones.

This huge box of Pepero was given to me by a male student. Unfortunately, the larger-sized Pepero sticks use wafers instead of the delectable pretzel cookies, so I haven't even started on this box yet.

For the tried-and-true Korean, nothing but the original Pepero will do.

Those of you in the States probably aren't familiar with this holiday, but here it's all the rage. Pepero (and several other copy-cats) is the Korean equivalent of the more well-known Japanese candy Pocky, chocolate-covered cookie sticks. While most countries in the world consider November 11 to be a day of rememberance, in Korea it is a day of romance, of gaudy cardboard packaging emblazoned with butchered English love lines, of massive fortunes earned by convenience stores and Wonka-esque entrepreneurs. I wasn't aware that there was going to be a holiday until a slew of my students were absent one day to visit a Pepero factory in preparation for the big day.

To prepare, I bought about 60,000 won worth of boxes, carefully selecting the ones that contain two bags of sticks rather than one. The goal was to give each of my students on Friday and Saturday a bag, and pray to all that's sacred that they don't lose their minds.

My first class on Friday is full of the silliest munchkins you could ever come across. For instance, Kevin, with boogers permanently affixed to his upper lip, spent 10 minutes of one class trying to get a piece of tape off of his hand and into the trash can. No matter what you ask him, the only words he ever speaks are "I'm fine. Thank you." I've yet to decide whether this is his deficiency as a student or mine as a teacher. He also rams his head into the wall. Constantly. The rest of the class has managed to climb a number of rungs higher on the English ladder, but they're still adorably retarted in a way only children can be.

On coming into Kiwi classroom, I was immediately assaulted by an army of students, all bearing Pepero gifts. The entire day, whether I wanted it to or not, became themed around Pepero.For the first third of class, there was a mass exchange of chocolate, and in celebration, we all used the sticks as props; besides the obvious cigarette mannerisms, I also saw students mimic flute-playing, limp across the classroom using a larger stick as a cane, and transform their noses into brown elephant trunks. A chorus of girls replaced the lyrics of traditional children's songs ("BINGO", "Old McDonald", even "Jingle Bells") with nothing but Pepero's three syllables. When I finally got around to teaching the lesson, a zoo animal identification masterwork, the students refused to repeat my pleas of "I like the monkey," instead shouting "I like......... PEPERO!" As a teacher, it frustrated me, but as someone who realizes they've already been taught zoo vocabulary something like eight times since they started here, I was elated with their ridiculous enthusiasm for kinda crappy candy. A great time was had by all.

The rest of the day failed to live up to the potential of those brief 40 minutes, but I still got a few arm-loads of chocolate, and there wasn't a single class that wasn't grateful for the bags I distributed. Many of my students gave me obscure brands of the candy, and some went out of their way by bringing me more expensive Pepero gift sets. Sally, one-third of my Monday/Wednesday/Friday harem, even enclosed a note within her gift-wrapped Pooh Bear pepero:

"Hello.

John teacher. I'm Sally. Today is papalo day! I give you papalo. The papalo is very yummy!! Bye-- (Drawing of a Heart)

from
John teacher

to
Sally student"

One side of me says that the conniving marketing geniuses working for Pepero should rot in the same hell as the PR people from Hallmark, but the other half had a great time this 11/11. Just wish I had the damn day off.

Cullinary Delights of Korea (for Mata)

2005-11-10T12:22:00.000+09:00

At the top of this photo is gimbap, rice, cucumbers, carrots, and other veggies wrapped in seaweed. These can normally be had for 1000 won, and make for a cheap and fast lunch. The sides below it are standard for anyone choosing to eat inside an Orange restaurant, the dime-a-dozen (until you find the one that you swear by) eateries that dot the streets of Korea. Most are 24 hours, and all essentially serve the same dishes.
Bibimbap is rice, seaweed, gimchi, and some vegetables meant to be mixed with a spicy red bean paste. An egg tops the dish. These pictures, by the way, were taken by Marie and reflect her tastes more than they do mine. This stuff is alright, but I prefer bokkumbap, essentially fried rice.
Omaraisa (a horribly-botched spelling job, I bet) might as well be called a rice omelette, and it makes for a good breakfast or early lunch. It's resting in some kind of gravy and is topped with 1000 Island dressing, ubiquitous in Korean food.
Samgyeopsal is a wonderfully-fattening serving of pork that is grilled in the middle of your table along with an assortment of vegetables, gimchi, garlic, mushrooms, etc. When finished, you pick whatever you want to off of the grill and wrap it in a lettuce leaf. Going out for samgyeopsal is meant to be a group affair, unless you want to start gaining the pounds at break-neck speed.
Not a big fan of Jigae, but Marie swears by it. It would best be described as a bean paste stew, and like everything else here, you have several varieties you can try out, depending on what you want the key ingredient to be. Unfortunately for this land-lubber, most of these varieties are centered around aquatic options.

Lots of questions have come up about the food in Korea, and while I have one of the least daring appetites of all the people I know, I can divulge some details. This post is mostly meant for one Joe Mata, a good friend of mine who has just recently started a job in Seoul and may or may not already know about these dishes. Most of you probably know him already, but I figured some clarification would be necessary for those that don't. Anyways, it's good to have him here, even if it is as far as you can get from me without leaving the country.

An old favorite from the Rock Bridge days...

2005-11-06T08:39:00.000+09:00

I was cleaning out some old emails today and stumbled upon this book cover that I scanned back when I worked at the Rock Bridge High School Media Center. Some jokes never get old.

A few dispatches from my hagwon...

2005-11-04T12:48:00.000+09:00

As usual, it's been a long time, and in this week, I found myself breaking up and getting back together with my girlfriend, a feat accomplished by the time-honored conciliatory tradition of sharing a seafood pizza. Available at most of the pizza places in the country, seafood pizza carries the burden of shrimp, scallops, and squid atop its mozzarella, and those of you who know me well would be quick to think I'd puke at the point of ingestion. Somehow, I got through two pieces, and now my relationship with Marie is back at full steam. Bravo!

I've had some primo times at school lately and figured I'd let you in on two stories:

1) While I've never been one to feel assured of my strapping physical appearance, being in the daily presence of awe-struck Korean children does wonders for one's confidence. Being pale is apparently a big plus here, and having blonde hair--even if it's receding ever so slightly-- makes certain students swoon as if it was Brad Pitt explaining frequency adverbs to them. Neal, another teacher at my school, has constantly joked with me that he has a class that is seriously gay for me, asking questions about me all of the time and so on, and I've noticed the male students in this class giggle and mutter out a few excited words as I've walked past them each day.

It turns out that this class was having a Speaking Test, a biannual exam that is administered by one native speaker and one Korean teacher, but Neal had the day off and wouldn't be able to give it to them. Naturally, they scheduled me to take his place, and in the days leading up to the test, he tormented them by refusing to answer who would be taking his place for this day.

On entering the classroom, all of the kids in the class started leaning towards each other gleefully whispering and re-adjusting their seats. Before the test began, one particular boy gathered the courage to ask me questions like "How old are you?" and "Where are you from?", with each of my replies being met with even more nervous laughing. I've forgotten his name at this point, but Neal has told me that he is constantly discussing how handsome I am. Later on, when the test was finished, I brought the class back to their normal room for the last five minutes of the period and we played soccer with a tennis ball. This boy kept asking me questions about MC Mong, and of course, I had no clue how to respond to his rapid-fire assault about K-Pop artists. Since then, Neal told me that he still thinks I'm handsome, but doesn't think I'm as cool as I used to be. I'd like to be able to remedy this someday, perhaps by discussing Maple Story or some shit like that.

2) About a week ago, a fresh new pair of khakis arrived via US Postal and my all too generous mother, and for the beginning of that school day, I was agog with the notion that I now had more than one pair of work pants. At the same time, I was calmly organizing a Halloween day for my pre-school class that involved an appropriately-shit-disturbing reading of "Dark Dark House", an a capella performance of "Monster Mash", and a make-a-monster exercise using clay and paint.

Every other class I had needed to take a test this day, so I was able to go all out for the littlest of my muppets, but one of them in particular, a four year-old malcontent named Tex, is difficult to please. Over the past month, he has taken to attacking me for no apparent reason, only because I usually catch him in the nick-of-time and pretend to body slam him; note again that teachers can get away with a lot more shit than they can in the United States. One brief example of why I choose to act like the Hulkster whenever this kid tries to pull one over on me:

This class has really taken to a loosely-translated version of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" that I sing. I added two extra verses, plus the first time I sang it I couldn't remember the lyrics for the middle part so I just crooned, "Star so bright, star so tall (?), brightest star of them all." I'm pretty sure the rugrats would hang me in effigy if I did this in an American Pre-K classroom, but fortunately Vern, Tex, and Hank can do little more than recite the names of animals, fruit, and some basic prepositions. During this song, I decided that it might be a good idea to start spinning around, and so now everytime we sing "Twinkle, Twinkle", all of the kids spin around and get dizzy; Vern, the Buster Keaton of the bunch, tumbles around the room and tries to knock over as many chairs as he can once the tune has ended. To the point, the first time I performed this ridiculous rendition, Tex walked up next to me, pulled his arm back, curled his fingers into a tightly-wound fist, and walloped me in the crotch. Because I was spinning around, I couldn't see it coming, and upon recovering from said wallop, I decided that Tex and I were no longer cool... thus, fake body slams.

So back to the original story:

I arrive at class with my materials in tow, nail "Dark Dark House" (especially the repeated line: "And was I scared? No!") so well that it sent Vern running around the room in a frenzy, and do a serviceable job with "Monster Mash", although I couldn't get the kids to sing the backing vocals for the chorus. Then I opened the clay and paints, and as if I had released the spirits of some wicked undead motherfucker from an ancient sarcophagus, the kids immediately lost their minds. I had brought brushes, but apparently any suggestion of using primitive tools this afternoon was going to be met by unintelligible Korean babble, and within minutes, Vern had somehow grown a red moustache and Tex's hands looked like a Jefferson Airplane video. Even Hank, the closest thing to a somber presence in that class, was taking a ball of clay and dipping it in every paint pile he could find. Keeping order just wasn't going to happen, so I simply did my best to set a good example by making my own killer clay pumpkin.

What happened next requires a brief definition. Korean boys (and some girls) have adopted an Eastern equivalent to the "Wet Willie" that they refer to as donkshin, which Marie has nicknamed the "Shit Needle". As far as juvenile hijinx are concerned, it's pretty perverse: you clasp your hands together, make a needle with your two pointing fingers, and then do your best to penetrate the sphincter of any unsuspecting passerby.

Now at this point, Tex must have been bored with simply making a mess of himself, so while I was showing Vern my masterpiece, he gave my rear a paint-covered donkshin. I contained my rage quite well, I think... I could have led him to the bathroom by his scrotum so he could wash his hands, but instead I led him by hand, scolding him along the way. I did have the spare pair of pants waiting in the office for me, so it's not like I had to go through the day getting stared and laughed at, and it turned out that the paint was water-solvent. Still, I'm never using paint again with this class.

Two reasons to hate music in 2005...

2005-10-26T09:32:00.000+09:00

This morning, I saw this on ESPN.com. Ugh.

At ACE in St. Louis, nearly every kid I taught was an aspiring MC, and I'm pretty confident that even they could have managed lines better than the following:

"Knock it way into the sky, watch how high up that it fly. Houston Astros is the truth and you're a lie."

Or

"Phil Garner keep pulling tricks with run support from lots of hits."

Just entirely unfathomable for me...

Addendum: Here's a link to a more in-depth article about the songs referenced above. My favorite quote comes from Chamillionaire:

"I realized music's designed to be timeless. You never know that record could get played again down the line. I didn't want it to only be relevant for that time."

Yeah, never back down from your art, Cha. Maybe the 'Stros will pull it from its dust jacket the next time Lidge gets rocked.

Watched this tonight....

2005-10-25T02:46:00.000+09:00

Ever want to see a heist flick that out-extremes even "Point Break"? Then I implore you to check this out.

Here's the IMDB summary:

"An entrepreneurial criminal, Slim (Dorff) is as smart as they come. Cocky and confident, he assembles a team of risk-taking rush-seekers to pull off a series of five bank heists, each time using a different extreme sport to make the getaway. Following an unexpected windfall on only their second job, the gang nets $20 million in untraceable bonds. Having scored enough money to retire on, Slim and his crew decide to call the robbery game quits. But both the mob and the police have other plans in mind for Slim: they want him to keep working, for them."

Before I start, could everyone please refer to me only as a risk-taking rush-seeker from this point on? Is that too much to ask?

Back to "Riders"...

Holy shit! Just a ridiculously bad movie, with amazing turns by Bruce Payne and Stephen Berkoff as the corrupt police chief looking for a lucrative retirement bonus and a corrupt Southern preacher with ties to the Mafia respectively. The former's line delivery in particular is enough to put him up there with Travolta in "Battlefield: Earth", and I can only imagine he'd even climb higher with repeat viewings.

My favorite line though comes from Natasha Henstridge, a cunning and erotically-charged detective who has just figured out that Stephen Dorff is actually the extreme sports bank robber her department is pursuing, not the insurance agent she's fallen for while practicing rock-climbing:

(Not verbatim, by the way)

'Tasha: "I know you're not who you say you are."

Tim Conway: "What? I'm just a lowly insurance agent."

(From this point on, verbatim)

Jugs from "Species": "Insurance is just another form of risk-taking. Isn't that what you're about-- taking risks?"

I lost my shit throughout this movie. Four stars out of four stars... if you can appreciate crap. Thanks to "Super Action" channel for introducing me to this one.

Musical highlights of Korea...

2005-10-21T19:31:00.000+09:00

One of the things that blows my mind about doing anything in Busan is the incessant thump of techno-pop that trumpets from every building. Mixed with the daily construction projects, it makes for an iPod-drowning audio experience. Still, I'm fascinated that even at a reasonably-decorated sit-down restaurant, I still am likely to hear Erasure or the drum-n-bass remix of that Four Non-Blondes song, as I did last night. Just like in the States, there are a few Korean pop music staples that have stabbed their way into my heart, and what's great about liking them is that you can't make fun of me like you did with the Kelly Clarkson single because odds are you'll never hear the songs.

There's one that I've only heard three times now that I'm anxious to find: a Korean pop-rap number which bases its repetitive melody off of the 80's instrumental highlight "Axel F". It's all in Korean except for the chorus, where a guy clearly basing his 'tude off of "Funky Bunch"-era Mark Wahlberg brags, "I'm a champion!" Deep in my heart, I hope that this is the Korean "Lose Yourself". Pretty sweet and memorable track.

Another tune that hasn't been that ubiquitous is a Korean remake of the Black Eyed Peas' controversial "Let's Get Retarted". In this case, they took a song from what's probably the most irritating group in America and turned it into something slightly less aggrandizing. This seems to be a general fact with Korean music stars; the self-importance and loudness reflected in their personalities is like a cat's whimper, where as those in America make me feel like I'm being yelled at nearly all of the time. I'm hoping to find more Korean reproductions of American pop songs, since this was one that I hated there and only mildly amuses me here.

Finally, the song that has stolen my heart, run away with it, and declared its vows is the only one that I can't describe. It is the ONLY song you ever hear here though; whether you're at a lowly soju bar or an electronics store, it's going to rear its lovely head... if anyone in Korea is reading this, please help me out here. I saw a live concert on television where a boy band performs it, but I've also heard a rendition that seems to have a female vocalist. From the sound of it, it could be an anime theme song, but somehow I doubt it. Every musical note is a fuckin' ray of sunshine, and even on days when I hate being here, if I hear it, I do a jumping heel-click. When I find it, I'll post it here immediately. I promise. And then you all can declare me gay because admittedly it's a pretty gay tune, but I won't fuckin' care.

School has been slow today. That's the only reason you're getting this pointless post. I'll be playing Starcraft and drinking at a PC room with Marie's soon-to-be-departing French-Canadian co-worker once it hits 8:55. Friday night in Busan!

Korean "Hedwig"

2005-10-20T08:31:00.000+09:00

The MBC Busan Center, which operates both as a theater and a television/radio broadcast center... probably several other things as well, I'd bet.

The seats filled up nicely over time, but here's a shot from our row (i.e. way back) around 20 minutes before the show began

No photos were allowed until the band came out to perform an encore. Note the throng of Koreans, arms upraised, like a scene from "Live at Budokan".

The Korean Hedwig, sans wig.

It's hard to look this badass when seeing a musical about a hermaphrodite, but somehow I managed. I only managed to steal one poster, by the way, so please don't make any requests.

Shit... there's much about this day that I've forgotten at this point, and since this isn't the first time, I've decided to do something really pretentious and start carrying a notepad with me. It might be gay-ass, but if it means better and more vivid blog posts, then I'm all for it.

So I assume most of you are familiar with the John Cameron Mitchell musical/film "Hedwig and the Angry Inch"?

Within my first week here, I had been seeing posters and banners for what looked like a Korean production of said show, and immediately I felt like it would probably be incredibly surreal (and thus necessary) to attend. After weeks and weeks of anticipation, Marie and I took an extended taxi ride (drivers tend to go down a lot of longcuts when driving foreigners around) to the MBC Busan Center to get our tickets.

Unlike most every building in Korea, the Busan Center stands apart from the rest of the high-rises in its own decadent acreage, and it acts as a broadcasting mecca. In Busan, you can find MBC's television station on Channel 11, I believe, and they also own two different radio stations, along with a whole lot of other shit, I'm sure. There's some sort of Museum of Television Broadcasting there that we didn't bother with, although I suppose it's possible we could have found ourselves on one of the billion Korean dating/dance shows. (A post on Korean television might come eventually; I can tell you that the rumors of a channel dedicated to Starcraft are true, and that I've seen "Tango and Cash" on the Action Network twice)

I didn't know what the crowd would be like for "Hedwig", but I figured there'd be some Westerners there... wrong! Just Marie and I, unless I had my blinders on and missed a Waeguk
walking around. The Korean audience seemed mostly university-aged, with a greater number of girls than I would have thought; little did I know that the guy who plays Hedwig (in drag, of course) is actually some sort of pop idol, or at least that's how it seemed from the wails of adoration coming from the female crowd. Maybe I'm a little naive about the following that "Hedwig" has elsewhere...

The musical itself was excellent when the band was playing, pretty dull when we had to listen to the monologues being delivered in a foreign tongue. The guy who played Hedwig was a little more pleasant and less of a bitch than Mitchell's performance in the film, but then again, I didn't know what the fuck he was saying most of the time. "Wig in a Box" inspired a wild sing-a-long with the Korean audience, but I could only hum it. I remember thinking that the girl who played Yitzhak, even when dressed as a man, was pretty hot. So the play itself was lack-luster given the 40,000 won price tag, although I'm sure if I was Korean I'd heartily disagree.

But after the show was over, the entire audience left their seats and charged the stage, demanding an encore... or maybe this is how things were supposed to go. The Angry Inch Band triumphantly returned to the stage and all of a sudden made the hefty price tag (alright, I know $40 isn't that much, but it's a lot to spend in Korea) well worth it. Marie and I stayed back in our seats away from the horde of Korean girls pogo-ing and punching their arms to the beat, but it was still the closest thing to a rock concert that I've seen here. The girl who played Yitzhak ran out in a Tina Turner wig and now confirmed my suspicion that she was smokin', and without the dress and wig, it was easy to see how Hedwig could be a heart-throb for all of the girls in the audience. They ended up playing two short sets of music, some of which we recorded on Marie's top-of-the-line digital camera-- I'm hoping to find a way to post some footage on here. The only thing that left me disappointed with this part of the show was that the band only played music from the play; it would have knocked me on my ass if they had played something from one of the artists who influenced "Hedwig" (Bowie, Lou Reed, whoever). Still a great time and definitely something I won't forget.

Ok... I'll leave this post on that note. All of my condolences to you Cardinals fans... I'll tip a 40 oz. of Hite for Busch tonight.

More pictures of Korean arcades...

2005-10-19T01:38:00.000+09:00

I shit you not: this game is called "Wonder Dunk", and as far as I know, it's the only prehistoric-themed basketball simulation on the market. Arcades in Korea are filled with row upon row of sit-down machines that normally feature either the elite fighting games (Tekken, Virtua Fighter, Soul Calibur, etc.) or generic side-scrolling shooters. Every now and then though, you'll run into a gem like "Wonder Dunk".

"Come On Baby" and its sequel are incredibly simple button-tapping exercises (no joysticks in sight) that pit six different babies against each other in olympic-style events. It kind of sucks, so I can see why it hasn't caught on in the States, but it's always one of the more prominent machines in Korean establishments.

Like "Wonder Dunk", this skirt-lifting simulation was another gem among the mass of fighting games. I didn't get the chance to play this one, only because I wasn't sure whether or not it would be kosher with my girlfriend. When she's not around, I plan on feeding a few thousand won into this baby though.

A turntable rhythm game... yeah, I know they're a dime-a-dozen in the States, but it's definitely a blast watching 11 year-old Korean kids with lightspeed reflexes man one of these things.

I know you weren't planning on seeing a picture of my ass today, but at least I spared you from the video footage of this intense race between myself and some out-matched Korean kid. Junior didn't stand a chance. Girls love horse-racing machines, by the way.

Another arcade story to share: after the movie let out the day I was at Special Fun Zone, I decided to check out the video arcade, operating under the philosophy that mall arcades are almost always head-and-shoulders above the ones you find on the street. It was a pretty solid place, with all four Time Crisis games (including the spin-off "Crisis Zone") costing only 300 won to play (that's 30 cents-- quite a deal). In general, you're not going to find any games that cost you more than this, and if you're only interested in playing the sit-down games, you could stay at the arcade for a few hours and only find yourself out ten dollars. Anyways, this arcade had a Pop-A-Shot game with what looked like an abnormally-forgiving rim, so I figured I'd give it a go. Once I started feeding 100 won pieces into the slots, a group of six Korean kids wandered up to my side to watch what was surely going to be a Bird-esque demonstration of shooting skills. The timer started and I threw up my first shot: clank. Second shot: clank. Third shot: missed the hoop entirely... and so on. After my first seven or eight shots, the kids scattered and my stomach tightened. I finished strong, making three baskets in a row, but if I remember correctly, I only sank six in sixty seconds. If they only had a "Hoop Jones" machine...

Also, I've mentioned "Kart Rider" several times now, but have never really explained what it is. It's a nation-wide phenomenon at the PC Bangs here, and if you can work this out in your mind, it's basically a MMOMK (Massively Multiplayer Online Mario Kart). Not only do you race with hundreds of thousands of other like-minded gamers, but you also get to upgrade and design your cart and character from the ground up. The sign-up process is a pain in the ass without a Korean's help, but it looks like it's well worth it. Even though I haven't played it, it has captured my fancy enough that I bought a "Kart Rider" alarm clock and briefly considered buying a pair of "Kart Rider" socks. Good times.

On wanting to have someone's baby...

2005-10-18T12:42:00.000+09:00

Not only did Pujols just hit a three-run homer to give the Cards the lead in Game Five, but I just followed Mike Burns' advice and banged my Ipod against a table a couple of times... voila! It's fixed! All the music is still there!

Burns: Send me an email (get the address from Mata). I owe you big.

(By the way, I'm assuming that was Mike who left a comment on my previous post. If it was someone different, follow the advice above)

GLORIOUS FUCKIN' DAY!!!

On wanting to murder someone...

2005-10-17T12:06:00.000+09:00

So not only do I have a broken digital camera (although it seems like it will be easily fixed), but now my Ipod is displaying this problem, met with the deflated sound of the hard drive: ch-ch-chug-crackle-crackle. As far as I can tell, I'm fucked... even if I choose to send it to the States to get it fixed, my hard drive is gone, and with it, roughly 18 GB of music that I lovingly gave to it. Concerning electronics, I've had a BAD fuckin' week.

Seriously, I would like to talk about Korean "Hedwig" and an awesome/awful hip hop/house band soul show put on by a mixture of Koreans and ex-pats, both of which I witnessed this past week, but my heart isn't in it right now. All I want to do is cradle my Ipod back to health, but I know its time has already passed.

I'll probably just buy a cheapie MP3 player here in Korea and live off of torrent downloads, then get my proper Ipod fixed when I get back to America. Still, if my camera fails to revive itself at the hands of whichever Korean photography shop I bring it to, you're talking $500 of electronics that have died on me within the first two months of me being here... and this is shit that I bought right before the trip, not two or three years ago.

Expressions of sympathy would be appreciated.

EVEN MORE STUDENTS!!!

2005-10-14T09:51:00.000+09:00

From left, Holly, Simon, Sally, and Jane. Out of all of my students, Simon is probably the most annoying. The three girls, as is usually the case, are among the least. They also help me carry my stuff back to the office at the end of class each day.

From left, Kurt, Mary, Mike, Elwood, and Sally. Kurt has been pegged as gay by his previous teacher, but aside from a "John Teacher... very handsome", I haven't seen it first-hand. Apparently he fondled the previous teacher's man-boobs on a few occasions, but I don't know if I'm going to let that go down. This class reaches an ear-shattering decibel-level, but they're very enthusiastic and bright. Mike's casual peace sign is, to me, hilarious.

From left, Quincy, Megan, Ralph, and Jeannie. Ralph WILL be the Korean Louie Anderson some day... not the washed-up, three-packs-a-day Louie that you see on "The New Family Feud", but the more-affable, not-dying-in-front-of-your-eyes tub o' lard from the "Rodney Dangerfield's Young Comedian's Showcase" days.

At first I thought Jane's Pictionary rendering of "smell" was unique, but Marie told me that Korean children will often draw people taking a whiff of poo, kind of in the same way that high schoolers scribble anarchy symbols and pentagrams all the time. I'm not kidding.

From left, Anna, Liam, Kaleigh, and Joseph. Liam is the student who I find to be the most fascinating; I haven't been able to tell yet whether he's brilliant or dumb as stone, and it's rare that you have a kid who hits both ends of the ability spectrum. He's also a genius at making card castles, further cementing my fascination.

Just to let you know, my digital camera seems to be broken right now. I'm concerned about this.

The best fake split photos ever!!!

2005-10-14T01:35:00.000+09:00

Mad ups go out to my roommate, Ryan, who captured the oft-applauded fake-split-off-the-wall move in all of its shin-destroying glory. If only he had taken a shot when I touched ground...
At least I'll always have these testaments to my dancing ability when I'm 40 and no longer capable of walking.

Then after the show it’s the after party...

2005-10-14T01:21:00.000+09:00

Ryan offers a kind remembrance of River Phoenix while Nick wonders where his mic is.

Do not mess with an army of tambourine-wielding Korean teachers. (I love, by the way, how every noraebang comes outfitted with several tambourines, greatly increasing the audience-interaction threshold)

Mr. Kim (center) provides the financial muscle for my hagwon. He also made us American teachers chug a concoction that was 3/4 beer, 1/4 soju. Brutal... if you want to re-enact at home, fill a pint glass with 3/4 Pabst (the closest equivalent to Korea's omnipresent Hite beer) and 1/4 Congress Vodka. Tell me how it goes for you.

Hotel bar... not a whole lot going on in this photo, but it was a nice bar.

A split-second before a proper knee drop. Nick (left) is hopefully considering giving me a hefty bonus for the havoc I wreak on the dance floor.

I have to get ready to go to school now, but this post will be coming up hopefully by the end of the night. Until then, here's footage of Mark Shelley's gay lover.

STUDENTS!!!

2005-10-14T00:47:00.000+09:00

From left, Ally, Mandy, Becky, Scout, Radley, and Fiona. Ally wrote my name on her "Wake Up" book and surrounded it in hearts, and all of the other girls followed her lead. It's a charmed life I live.

From left, Brian, Nick, Chris, Merpit, and Jenny. Important to note that girls seem to become uninterested in having their photos taken as they grow older, but for boys, it's the opposite. I can't back this up with any credible sources, so don't quote me on this.

From left, Jenny, Alice, Todd, and Chad. This is probably my favorite class-- small, manageable, and very skilled at English. Chad and Alice are particularly good, the former always entering things into his Korean-English Electronic Dictionary to get complex messages across to me. I also think Chad is kind of a heart-throb, a matinee idol, not that the girls would ever let on.

Radley acts as the pit boss during a heated game of Twister. Kevin, the kid on the far right, always wears really good shoes (Koreans have the best taste in footwear ever), but is also unbearably slow. The other kids have caught on to this, and it makes me trying to give him help very embarrassing for him.

Taking photos of Korean children, especially with my sub-par camera, is often a blurry affair. Here, Gabe makes his Deniro-as-Jake-LaMotta face, while Seven (yes, that's his name) looks positively angelic in the left corner.

A few of you have been asking for photos of the adorable gremlins that occupy my classroom each day, and I aim to please.

I apologize for turning my blog into a caption-writing contest, but I do feel a certain need to get material on here, despite limitations in the time that I have to write.

Pusan International Film Festival (II)

2005-10-11T09:55:00.000+09:00

The crowd outside Lotte Cinema

We do (and will) get the blockbusters here in SoKo generally, although there are some bizarre features that have only just recently gotten here. For instance, the Brett Ratner opus "After the Sunset" was playing in most first-run movie houses when I first arrived, despite the fact that it was released well over a year ago in the U.S.

Power Movie. Power Feeling. Little else needs to be said. "Manderlay", by all accounts, was a Power Movie.

Tough job getting a good shot inside the theater... this was the best I could muster.

The lobby of Lotte Cinema

While I don't have photos to share, I figured I'd drop by and tell you about my second visit to the PIFF this week. Somehow we managed to have Thursday off at my hagwon, allowing me to enjoy the annual festival for one day more than I thought I would. Things started off badly when I woke up from a strenuous night of free alcohol supplied by my bosses. My head felt like I had went through a few rounds with Bob Sapp, my legs were damaged from at least a dozen knee-drops on the dancefloor, and for one reason or another my room contained the equivalent of a few buckets of Haeundae sand scattered on sheets and floors, within backpacks and juice bottles, particles lining my scalp. Also, I had managed to sleep through my alarm clock, so those wicked PIFF crowds had surely already developed; I had little hope of actually seeing a movie this day, but I showered in record time, downed a glass of water, and packed my bag with a granola bar and a banana for lunch.

That Sunday, I had went to Nampodong with Marie to catch a film, but I figured it'd be best if I saw what Haeundae was offering this time around. (If you weren't with me earlier, half of the festival is held in Nampodong, the other half in Haeundae). The standout film playing at the Megabox 10 for me was "Princess Raccoon", the latest movie directed by Seijun Suzuki, the Japanese auteur responsible for the psychedelic noir of "Branded to Kill". After an hour-long subway ride, I got to Haeundae and rushed my ass to the Special Fun Zone (abbreviated as "SFunZ"), a Korean shopping mall / entertainment center.

Holy shit! If not for a broken camera, there'd be some visual glory coming your way to supplement this post. Unlike American shopping malls that occupy several football fields worth of land, the SFZ stretches 10 floors vertically, making for a slightly-different psychological shopping experience. The moment I entered, I realized I was probably going to waste the day there, movie or no movie. No time to tarry, so I darted towards the box office, although I was periodically sidelined by the sight of a Subway and KFC, two American staples that have escaped my grasp so far in SoKo; actually, I have passed a KFC in Nampodong and near Pusan National University, but I could never manage to convince my company to go. Today I was flying solo, so the Colonel's allure was oh so sweet.

I get to the box office only to find out that everything is sold out. Everything. I look at the board where they list sell-outs for all of the participating theaters, and it seems like there isn't a vacancy among them, so my heart sinks a little. I raise it up again by visiting a genuine hot dog shop, one that touts a Chicago-style foot-long adorned with onions, cheese, and chili. Clouds wash away, the world tremors with my newfound hope, and almost immediately upon stepping out of said hot dog shop, some Australian girl comes up to me to tell me that she has an extra ticket to a film and can't find anyone to take it. I pump my fist and accept her gift.

Shit... I had no time to kill, so I took the elevator up to the eighth floor to what I thought was the movie theater. Instead, I ended up on a rooftop penthouse with a bunch of global celebs and hobnobbers. I walked along the roof briefly just because it seemed like I could. Very few highlights up here, aside from a stand where commoners were getting their photos taken with giant guns. If I had the time, I definitely would have gotten a portrait, but I needed to get back in the 'vator and find my theater.

The Megabox 10 was considerably more American in terms of streaking neon and massive LCD monitors displaying the latest trailers than the Lotte Cinema in Haeundae, or at least that's the way I saw it; also, the crowd was nowhere near the horde I witnessed there, but I'd imagine that's because I was there on a weekday. The film I was fortunate enough to see was a Korean documentary called "On the Road II", one of the dullest rock movies I've ever seen. The cameras followed Yoonband, a bland Korean fusion of Coldplay's mom-rock and Creed's self-important religio-dude tunes, as they set out on a European tour with an even worse British act called Steranko.

More than anything else, the documentary showed a clear juxtaposition between Korean and British rock stars. The lead singer for Yoonband could be mistaken for any average Korean man walking the streets of Busan, clearly confident and happy, but extremely meek and polite. Steranko's frontman had a serious Iggy-via-Morrison thing happening, and had a little too much delight in butchering the Korean language, especially in comparing gimchi to the shit from his ass. The supporting cast of Yoonband seemed to wear Homer Simpson t-shirts most of the time they weren't on stage, a style faux-pas that I'm sure would be met with outright contempt from NME and Melody Maker. Where Steranko seemed to thrive on dopey stage theatrics (mostly from the lead singer, of course), Yoonband would never dare smash a guitar. If the film had focused more on the bands as people and less on the music, I would have liked it a lot more, but the Korean audience seemed to enjoy themselves.

After the movie wrapped up, I made my way out of the theater to dine on some KFC for dinner and purchase a box of Dunkin' Donuts before heading home. On the way out, I passed a gorgeous Korean couple that was being trailed by several dudes in well-tailored suits. Given the cacaphonous "oohs" and "ahs" coming from the crowd behind them, I assume they were celebrities of some sort, so I can now brag that I saw some Korean movie stars live and in person. It doesn't quite match being cousins with "Party of Five" star Scott Wolf and having the opportunity to ask him what it was like dating Alyssa Milano, a chance one old acquaintance of mine had, but I think it's at least on the level of discussing the flaws of the Bruce Willis/Jane March erotic thriller "Color of Night" with its director, as another friend of mine did.

All in all, it was a good day.

Pusan International Film Festival (I)

2005-10-11T09:50:00.000+09:00

This past weekend, Marie and I woke early in the morning so we could take part in the Pusan International Film Festival, celebrating its 10th year of turning the city's movie theaters into a potential trampling disaster. While not Cannes or Sundance, the PIFF is definitely considered to be the best film festival in Korea (potentially all of Asia), and the people here take great pride in it. The only festival I've ever been to was the St. Louis International Film Festival, and I can easily say that this trumped it. Where to begin:

The festival is held in two separate areas of Pusan: Nampodong (a very cosmopolitan downtown area where you'll find both expensive Western stores and street vendors selling wares at negotiable prices) and Haeundae (home to the most popular beachfront in Pusan, and while not quite as vibrant as Nampodong, still a lively area, especially if you like looking at ritzy hotels).

(Reason to pause: I just wrote an entire post for this and came back to find it erased. I'm upset.)

We arrived at Nampodong around 10:00 in the morning, and already the streets were lined wall-to-wall (didn't I tell you that the streets have walls here!?) with people. Awe-inspiring was that the ratio of Koreans to foreigners was less than 1000 to 1, truly justifying the "International" part of the festival's moniker. Despite the early arrival time, the movies that we had circled in my guide had already sold out; for any of you who would plan on going to the PIFF, the easiest way to assure yourself that this won't happen is to buy tickets online, but 10% of the theater's seats are available for purchase the day of the show, a route that I chose to take once but won't again. Still, we managed to get two tickets to the 5:00 showing of "Manderlay", the latest slice of pretensious hooha from Lars Von Trier.

This gave us several hours to waste, so waste we did...

For those recently removed from pay day, Nampodong can be a callous succubus, with 1000 won Che Guevara socks and adorable Engrish stationery waiting to reel you in at any given footstep. Those of you who have been kind to me throughout the years can expect a sweet bounty of novelty gifts in the next couple of weeks. While the Che socks are glorious, these things are a-dime-a-dozen among the street vendors, and I bought several varieties to win friends and influence people; the second and third best feature Astroboy (known as Mighty Atom in Korea) and a pair of jellybeans sharing a heart with the words "I Lub U" emblazoned above respectively. One of you-- I haven't decided who yet--will get a set of five soju glasses that each depict a different scene of ancient Korean lovemaking, a gift so good that I almost want to be a selfish bastard and keep it for myself. Oh, and I did buy some things for moi, of course; to be specific, I now own a sharp sweater featuring a penguin emblem, two Engrish t-shirts that Marie bought duplicates of so that we could "match", an authentic Kart Rider alarm clock, and some incense that I bought from a guy who I thought was a strict Buddhist until I saw that he was playing Starcraft behind the counter. He runs this great shop right on the base of Yongdusan; Marie believes he has the best incense deals in Pusan, and I'm not one to argue.
By the time we needed to be at Lotte Cinema, I had spent around 100,000 won ($100).

Oh... we also hit up some video arcades. Pictures and descriptions to come.

Something I want to say before I talk about the theater and the movie: even when the streets are so crowded that you feel part of an amorphous humanoid blob, some dudes still have the gall to try to drive their motor scooters (and even cars) through it all. Walking in Pusan is like living "The French Connection" each and every day. No matter where I am, it's always in the back of my mind that at any moment a KIA is going to veer onto the sidewalk, take out some fruit stands, and send hordes of people diving out of the way. One of my co-workers refers to Korean traffic laws as "suggestions", which I've found to be an apt description.

The Lotte Cinema is different from any other movie theater I've been to, but that's not surprising. For one thing, seats are assigned, meaning that you don't have to go into the theater 30 minutes ahead of time to be assured that you won't be craning your neck the whole movie. Also, whereas American movie theaters are large in terms of length and width, Lotte is just fuckin' tall. To get to our theater, we had to go up eight floors in an elevator, and then another one on an escalator. The lobby felt like an airport waiting area and didn't have the neon sheen that I was expecting. The concession stand was also a little reserved, and rather than candy, it sold prawn chips, a close cousin to the shrimp chips that Marie swears by but that I can't stand. Popcorn came in bags with the triumphant slogan "Power Movie, Power Feeling!" For the film festival, you need to be at your movie on time or else you won't be allowed to enter, so we got to hang out here for a solid 30 minutes before showtime.

I don't know if this was standard or not, but the theater was among the largest I've ever been in. Massive screen, what looked like at least 50 rows of seats... I was definitely not disappointed, although I'm not sure if "Manderlay" was the ideal movie to be seeing on this monstrosity. Because of our tardiness, Marie and I were actually assigned to sit in the third row, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that even the front rows are distanced quite a bit from the screen, meaning I wouldn't have to twist my neck like I was at a tennis match. The only thing that disappointed me was that the theater didn't have a proper sound system, only two large amplifiers in front of the screen; this might have something to do with the film festival's print (it's not like a Lars Von Trier film requires THX or anything) though.

I had a lot more to say about "Manderlay" earlier in the week, but I'm not sure how informed a reaction I can muster right now. Not having seen its prequel, "Dogville", I can only discuss it as an individual film, and while it sucks getting preached to about race in America from a Dane, there was some truth to it. Things I liked:

Bryce Dallas Howard... not for her acting, but because I can now say that I've seen Ron Howard's daughter nude. If that's not reason to brag, I don't know what is.

Danny Glover... again, not for his acting, but because he delivered every line in his weary Murtaugh voice. If Lars had a sense of humor, he would have had him say, "I'm getting too old for this" at least once.

The end credits... great song choice ("Young Americans") that at least tied things up with a humorous bow, and the montage themed around the mistreatment of blacks in America effectively pissed me off.

The theatrical storytelling device... Just like with Dogme, Von Trier has come up with a genuinely unique and interesting way of delivering a narrative, and I never felt like it was gimmicky.

Things I didn't like:

The melodramatic screenplay... I get that it's an allegory or whatever, but the few moments of naturalism stand out as the best in the movie. Bryce Howard's line delivery makes me feel like I'm being force-fed an anti-American shit sandwich, and this is coming from a guy who often has mixed feelings about the land o' the free.

Chloe Sevigny... she doesn't do anything in this movie. Why is she even in it? I know she was in "Dogville", but still... this was a role that they could have hired an extra to play.

Alright... I have to watch the end of the Cardinals game and cook up some lunch. It's nice to be back here.

Noraebang and Insane Bar Photos (Narratives in waiting)

2005-10-09T08:05:00.000+09:00

This is my least favorite of the two mascots at Junco, the bar I had talked about in a post long ago. Important note: don't criticize my photos of Junco because when these mascots appear, the lights go off with only a strobe providing any visuals.

My roommate and I singing like only true men can. Despite his rugged exterior, Ryan is capable of delivering a tear-jerking "More Than Words", and Glenn Frey would be ill to duel with his "Desperado".

Now this is a Junco mascot that I can really applaud. The dude dry-humped this glass barrier for a full ten seconds while the manic clapping drowned all other noise.

Despite being Canadian, now-departed Mike and Christina more than hold their own in the Noraebang. These two are sweet duders who played an essential role in helping me feel at home in SoKo, so it was sad to see them go. Good luck in Seoul, Team MacKenzie.

Of all the anthropomorphic movie titles, this one's my favorite...

2005-10-09T00:52:00.000+09:00

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0134969/

Did I mention there's a sequel?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365770/

I hate you fuckin' Americans who have access to this awesome shit.

And in case you ask, no, this isn't what I've been doing rather than writing blog posts, although it was a great diversion for about 10 minutes on a Saturday night.

(Of course, I would be compelled to send a pencil case if any of you still reading this could trump this find. "Air Bud" ain't shit, so don't bring it up.)

More photographic highlights from the AMDF...

2005-10-06T12:32:00.000+09:00

This dude was all over the festival, MCing Jordanian Dance Demonstrations, judging Tae Kwon Do competitions, and so on. If I could make this face and maintain it in perpetuity, I would.

Marie with the Prince of Jordan, his sister, and Kevin Federline

During the Jordanian dance extravaganza, this old man came out from the audience to join them. He later tried to get Marie to dance with him, but the Prince of Jordan wasn't letting go. This man is my hero.

You'd think lawsuits were made for shit like this...

The happiest kid in the world at the second this photo was taken

Andong Mask Dance Festival

2005-10-06T11:55:00.000+09:00

This Taiwanese "I-Jhen" troupe gathered quite a crowd simply because of their willingness to pose with Vita-C drinks.

This Vita-C photo is my favorite of the bunch. Vita-C, if I haven't explained before, tastes a lot like Triaminic and is way popular with health-conscious Koreans. It's a little too syrupy for me.

Somehow this part of the Mask Dance Festival came across as inauthentic... maybe it was the clamor of Korean techno-pop. More likely it was the superheroes on stilts doing the Roger Rabbit.

One of my students laughed at me because I thought this was a dog. Apparently it's a tiger, and this segment of the Mask Dance performance was a laugh riot for those that could understand.

Batman and Spiderman ponder why Brett Ratner is directing the next X-Men flick.

So you may have noticed that it's been a while since I've posted... promises are difficult to keep, but I swear to you that I will do my best to make this a banner week for my humble blog. The Pusan International Film Festival (PIFF) is starting this weekend, plus Marie and I are going to see a Korean performance of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch". Add to that the fact that I have pictures of my students, a wild norae-bang visit, and the bar with the costumed dancers and it should be clear to you that happy times are here again... as long as I can get around to posting them.

So about the Andong Mask Dance Festival...

Every October, the city of Andong (north of Busan, about a three hour bus ride) holds an international dance festival that does its best to celebrate traditional Korean customs and all of that.

(I'm stopping here right now-- I'll be back to this later on tonight, I swear)

Korean Children's Arcades

2005-09-26T12:10:00.000+09:00

If I ever were face-to-face with an angry gorilla, these are the guys I'd like beside me

This, by the way, is Marie, mounted atop a giant robot ride.

The morning after I put 500 won in this machine, I found myself 20 years older, working for Robert Loggia. How the hell did that happen?

Yes, I assume that's supposed to be Luigi.

Another giant robot ride

You may have noticed in my previous post that I included a photo of a Starcraft-themed arcade game, and those of you who know me well probably expected me to frequent these types of places a good amount while I'm here. In actuality, before yesterday I had only drunkenly stumbled into one game room, and when I did I was encountered by a tandem of girls with headset microphones screaming Korean who-knows-what at me. There weren't any true arcade "games", but instead some riffs off of the American slot machine, most starring either the cast from Lord of the Rings or various anime characters. I haven't found any of the surreal neon arcades that I imagined would be here (maybe those are only in Japan), but instead have only seen seedy holes-in-the-wall normally occupied by wasted gamblers. There are the punching machines that seem to stand outside of every convenience market in Busan (a whole 'nother post will be dedicated to them when I get around to it), but to be honest, I'm a little disappointed in the arcade game culture here. Marie and I did make a brief stop at the children's arcade in Yongdu Park, and I thought a few photos would be useful.

From the top of Busan Tower...

2005-09-26T01:53:00.000+09:00

Marie and I went to Mount Yongdu Park today, simply because she had never been there and I had never been to the top of Busan Tower. Here are some photos taken by my extremely unsteady hands, all taken as the city went from day to night.

A few things that caught my fancy today...

2005-09-26T01:27:00.000+09:00

At a two-story batting cage on the outskirts of Nampo-dong, the grotesque visage of Randy Johnson stares you down as a fastball rockets from the pitching machine... the guy next to him? Well, that'd be Byung-Hyun Kim, who many Koreans have yet to realize is the worst clutch pitcher to ever play in the Major Leagues. In fact, one of my highlights of the love motel days was watching a 30 minute highlight reel of Byung-Hyun Kim, Chan Ho Park, and Hee Sop Choi. Of course, Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" played during Kim's clips; even in Korea, you still can't escape that fuckin' song.

In the Mount Yongdu gift shop, a tireless wood engraver makes probably the most laborious caricature art that you'd ever come across. The framed picture, by the way, is of some Korean celebrity who will be the subject of many gag Christmas gifts I'll be sending this year. Keychains, calendars, fans: you name it, and this guy's kisser is probably on it.

In a Korean arcade, I came across a Starcraft-themed top-down shooter that I kind of doubt Blizzard licensed. While I didn't give it a try, it looked pretty shitty; it uses the Starcraft engine and sprites in what is essentially a Xevious knock-off. I was disappointed to see that the Terran bunkers could fly.

Took my first trip to a Korean record store and am now happy to reveal the truth about Mark Shelley's double-life. If only we at KCOU had known, perhaps the "R's" section would have quaked from the sound of Linear.

Seongnamsa Temple (Photos)

2005-09-26T01:09:00.000+09:00

Because I said I would!

(Note: If any of these pictures are from either Beomeosa or Tongdosa, chalk it up to my ignorance and a badly-organized "My Pictures" folder)

Chueseok (Day Two)

2005-09-22T16:13:00.000+09:00

The View of the City from the Top

The view of some mountains from close to the top

One of Beatrice's numerous puppies

Beatrice, standing tall, udders-a-blowin'

As I said earlier, I'm just not going to have the time to compound all that happened over this weekend into one post, so here's what happened on Sunday:

Marie and I had talked about doing a temple visit the previous night, one that she hadn't been to yet, and so after an early lunch at McDonald's (you have to go every now and then just to maintain sanity), we hit up the subway once again. No real stories about this trip down the tracks that I can remember.

Seongnam Temple, about a 40 minute bus ride from Busan, was considerably less tourist-filled than Beomeosa and Tongdosa, despite the fact that we were visiting on a major Korean holiday. I preferred the lighter crowd, since it allowed me to take pictures without constantly feeling guilty of intruding on what is typically a spiritually-integral affair for most visiting. Of course, these pictures will be posted as soon as I arrive back from school.

I've visited three temples at this point, and to be honest, it's difficult for me to really distinguish much between them all. There's always a certain awe you carry when you visit these places, because of the natural beauty, the spiritual significance, and the cola machines that somehow rest a few feet from buildings that have been being used in Buddhist ceremonies for God knows how long. Certain aspects of each do stand out; for instance, Beomeosa has a botanical garden that's gorgeous if you're into that shit, plus it has a remarkably-small cave temple filled with miniature statues.

The highlight of the the Seongnam visit came from our climb up Gajisan Mountain. Leaving the temple area, we followed a trail up to what seemed like a Third World village, with houses that looked near the point of collapse, picked crops smashed along the dirt, and most noticeably, a pack of what seemed like rabid dogs. The first of the canines to approach us was a white female Jindo with mammaries hanging down several inches from her underbelly, and after she let out a few violent barks, her owner stepped out and waved us to go through the town and up the mountain. As we walked past the three houses that comprised the community, dogs--mostly puppies-- began appearing from every nook and cranny to growl and yelp at us. The whole time, the first dog (who we lovingly named "Beatrice" based on a story that Marie was telling me earlier in the day) pranced a few feet in front of us, content in leading us along.

Gajisan wasn't more than a two hour hike really, and probably translated to about 3 kilometers (at most). Unlike every other mountain that I've hiked here though, the traffic was non-existent; if you go to any of the major mountains in Busan, you're more than likely going to be amongst a sea of people as you travel up, but I don't think Marie and I saw more than five people the entire trip up, three of whom were Buddhist nuns. Despite the mosquitos and the badly-marked trail, Gajisan has easily topped any of the other hikes that I've been on in Korea.

And so much of this was due to Beatrice... I'd imagine that she was specially trained to guide pasty-faced tourists up the mountain, but if ever I were to be convinced that animals possessed spirits and true intelligence, this would be the time. Whenever we arrived at a fork in the trail, Bea would be waiting for us, and would then promptly lead us onward. Every now and then we thought she had left us behind, but without fail, she'd come galloping down the mountain only to end up behind us, almost as if she was taunting us for being so fuckin' slow. An all-rock jury rigged rest stop sat about 30 minutes from the top of Gajisan, and when Marie and I stopped there to do things inappropriate, Bea watched on; once we were ready to move again, she took lead. No scenic vista from whatever-the-fuck mountain peak could ever compete with the experience of being guided by this dog, and for that alone, I give my highest recommendation to hit up Gajisan.

When we got back down, the scenes of poverty that we nearly fleed from earlier instead seemed painfully beautiful. The puppies that once growled at us (and with rabies apparently being a huge problem in rural Korea, this had us concerned) were now playing along the trail. The owner who had once seemed a tad drunk now came across as some Doolittle-ish animal savant. Bea, of course, came by once more before we left and gave us the same tongue-hanging grin that you see in the included photo. I don't throw out the word "magical" often, because I'm well aware of how gay it makes me sound, but our climb up Gajisan could be described in few other words.

More photos on the proceeding post... sorry for the wait on this one, bro.

Chu-Seok

2005-09-21T18:51:00.000+09:00

Duders, where do I begin on what has been one of the most surreal and entertaining long weekends of my life? I suppose I should start with Saturday, since that's when it began:

Saturday

Marie and I had plans to hit up the Busan Municipal Art Museum, which currently housed an exhibit from the British Museum. Her phone call reminding me of this woke me up from a mild hangover from the previous night's PNU excursion, and two cans of iced coffee (which can be had for ridiciously cheap ($1.30 for a six pack) here compared to the States) later I was ready to go. We hopped a train, discussed the latest episode of "Dancing Subway", and got coughed on by an older Korean man who wasn't kosher with us talking on the subway. (Note: Talking on the subway here is considered to be a minor faux pas, but every now and then you'll come across someone who takes these things incredibly seriously, so just be warned). The exhibit was solid enough, even though I'm certainly not the cultured type who could truly extoll beyond saying empty and vapid things. The art stolen by the Brits spanned time and space, touching on everything from the Mesopotamians to the Native Americans, and while the museum was a touch different from my typical getaways (video arcades, theaters, whatever), I had a good time. It helped that Marie studied Classics in Rome and knows her shit pretty well; she's an ideal museum companion.

From there we hit up the UN Sculpture Park and took a quick glance over the UN Cemetary... we didn't feel compelled to go inside because it would have been a somber way to end what had been an enjoyable day, but I do think I'll go there at some point while I'm here.

On our way back to the subway station, we decided to stop in a convenience mart to try some beverages that we weren't yet familiar with. (Note: There are a ton of new choices available to the beverage connoisseur, including pine needle drinks, aloe juices, and cinnamon sodas (which to me taste like Hostess Coffee Cakes in liquid form)). Inside, there was a man drinking dongdongjeu by himself, watching Korean cartoons. I didn't think twice about it until he invited me to sit with him and drink. At first I was bashful, but he seemed excited to have some foreigners in the shop and was offering free alcohol (and dried squid, but let's not talk about that) so there was no way I was going to turn him down.

Any conversation with a Korean usually begins with, "Where are you from?" At first I would answer, "St. Louis," but it's become increasingly clear that nobody knows where that is, so when asked by the guy in the convenience store, I just said, "Chicago." This, of course, led to a long discussion on baseball, especially a former Cub named Hee Sop Choi... and whenever I say something was a long discussion, that usually means a few words of English, a lot of nodding, and a slew of awkward gesturing in attempts to get our messages across. The guy, Marie, and I managed to get through seven bottles of dongdongjeu (and three bags of dried squid), all while random stoppers-by stared at us wild foreigners as they picked up their gum, soda, and so on. Other highlights of our drunken afternoon with the convenience mart guy:

A brief dance-off between Marie and I where I showed him how to do the fake splits and she showed him how to Canadian line-dance

A demonstration he gave to us on the powers of Tae Kwon Do, only to ask me later on how to box (implied by shouts of "Muhammad Ali! Muhammad Ali!")

Three different kinds of cheers: "Gumbae!", "Bravo!", and the more standard "Cheers!", all delivered at random

He constantly referred to me as "Mr. John", and later as "Handsome boy! Mr. John!"

Most cheers were to baseball, Muhammad Ali, and "Handsome boy", but at one point he threw out there (just to see if we would notice), "Bush-y President! Bravo!" It caught me a little off guard.

Our afternoon was finished when the man had finished his shift at the store (I suppose he was working this entire time). Marie and I headed to the subway, where I suggested that perhaps I was slightly enamored with her. Just like in a Cameron Crowe film, we made out in the middle of the subway station, and that was that.

(I know I'm behind on my blog, and again, there's a lot of information to get across. I'm going to stop this entry here, and I'll discuss Sunday's craziness next time.)

(Note: The pictures of the Security Guard singing karaoke were taken from a competition being held in the Lotte Department Store. He seriously cried on stage... it was awesome. The photo of the fish signage also comes from the grocery section of the Lotte Department Store; it reads as follows:

"Fish is the flesh of fish eaten as food. Fish can be fiddly to cook. A fish steak is a large piece of fish which contains very little bones."

This is now my fuckin' mantra. And yes, I am really drunk and really sweaty in my picture with the convenience store guy... it's not my proudest moment)

When foreign bars go wrong...

2005-09-17T03:13:00.000+09:00

Tonight is the beginning of Chuseok, which for the layman is the Korean equivalent of Thanksgiving where everyone visits their hometown to pay tribute to their ancestors, and for the beginning of the four-day weekend I decided to join a few teachers in hitting up Soul Train, one of the foreigner bars in the Pusan National University district. Now there's a part of me that's already decided that this place sucks; in the four times that I've been, only once did I feel that GI's hadn't swarmed there, and while I do my best to be a good American and keep my "Support Our Troops" ribbons in mind, most of the time I'm really turned off by the way military folks act. We've been through this, and if it makes me a piece of shit so be it.

Anyways, tonight, I made a bold move and made a request; Korea's anti-American enough where I was confident that they would have one (if not both) of the Kanye West records, and so with only the slightest degree of confidence did I request either "Slow Jamz" or "School Spirit" off of the College Dropout album; either song would get the dancefloor moving far more than the shit they were playing previously.

(Sidenote: Koreans seem to love Will Smith, and there's no awareness of just how ridiculous his musical career is at this point in the United States; this comes across as both pure and retarded)

When you request a song off of College Dropout, I think you go into it praying to God they don't play "Through the Wire", since that technically is the big single off of the album. Still, any sane DJ would understand that a song about getting your face fucked up in a car accident isn't exactly a dancefloor smash, and I guess I just hoped that the DJs here would trust me by my pasty skin and Western demeanor. I decided to rest against the pool table and wait out my request; Punjabi MC came on during this time, and at that point, I had nothing but faith in the DJ... surely he understood the power of "Slow Jamz".

Fuck that. The moment I heard Chaka Khan's chipmunk voice delivering the opening bars of "Through the Wire", I immediately envisioned the dance floor clearing out, people throwing their hands up in frustration, openly bitching about the lack of "Gettin' Jiggy with It". And everything happened almost as planned. After the second chorus, when Kanye Killa delivered a long diatribe about just how fucked up his face was, the DJ cut it short and segued into the Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Otherside"; to put it bluntly, it felt like my dick was ripped off. The foreigners who were there went crazy, and I quickly exited the dance floor to find the beer that I had set down. Maybe DJs throughout the world just don't understand just how much of a buzzkill "Through the Wire" is... any song that suggests that the MC looks like Tom Cruise in "Vanilla Sky" or Emmett Till just isn't going to work well for the crowd, and I don't see how the person in charge of the floor wouldn't understand that. Good single? Sure, it set the Kanye mythology into place, but if I want to dance, I want to hear something else off of the album.

Anyways, I didn't lambaste the DJ or anything... I didn't have the heart. Still, any possibility that I would do flying splits off of the wall was exhausted at that point, and now I'm here writing this post to you. I wish you all well, and Merry Chuseok.

An important word of advice for the inexperienced teacher...

2005-09-15T01:15:00.000+09:00

Any time when you ask younger students to use glue, you are potentially putting them into a cataclysmic situation from which only the craftiest minds can escape. Today, without even thinking, I asked my first grade students to create a popsicle-stick-attached school bus with which they could re-enact the thrilling lyrics of "The Wheels on the Bus". Little did I know that this would turn into a 20 minute debacle of glue-entrenched hands/fingers/cheeks/legs/etcetera etcetera. When an American kid gets glue on his/her hands, I'd imagine it becomes a badge of comedy, but in Korea, kids freak the fuck out-- cries of "TEACHER! TEACHER!" tore through my ears and as panic grew, I lost control of the situation. We ended up taking a mass trip to the boy's bathroom so that we could all rid ourselves of the glue, which seemed like it would have been more effective than sending them one at a time. A rousing rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus" awaited us when we arrived back in the classroom, and I sincerely believe that the bond that developed through this shared tragedy made our singing that much stronger. It wasn't quite Whitney-Houston-at-the-Super-Bowl good, but what ever could be?

Point of the story: don't trust young kids to be fully competent in the area of arts and crafts, and always be prepared for any chaos that might ensue when asking them to employ these skills. Also, "The Wheels on the Bus" is an effective tool for wasting time when you're only supposed to teach the words "Bus" and "Bus Driver" over a 40 minute period.

Other things of note today:

Mr. Lee (who I have taken to calling "General Lee") is often blasted for buying inedible pastries for the teachers at our hagwon, but I've developed a fondness for the cream puffs he selects. I actually made a dinner of them today, though I'm sure that will kill me if I choose to make it a habit.

Dongdongju is an amazing sleeping aid, far better than Nyquil or anything else you could find in the States. The combination of alcoholic content and rice make it a near-instant tranquilizer. I don't plan on making it a habit, but periodically it's nice to drink a little.

In one of my upper-level classes, I have a trio of students (Harry, Jane, and Sally) who help me carry all of my supplies back downstairs to the office. Today, one of them actually said, "Teacher is king!" and the other two smiled along. They hold doors for me. They erase the board for me. They chastise other students who are acting up for me. I'm really creeped out by all of this, but I'm not complaining.

That's all... it's a little late at this point.

The Love Motel

2005-09-13T12:18:00.000+09:00

I can't believe I forgot to post pictures of this place... here you are. Yeah, I already know that my photography skills are lacking.

Two highlights of riding in a subway in Busan...

2005-09-13T11:41:00.000+09:00

1) On most of the trains you will find decent-sized LCD monitors broadcasting advertisements and cartoons. These would normally only make an interesting diversion if you had forgotten a book/Ipod, but there is one particular segment of programming that would tear away even the most steadfast:

DANCING SUBWAY

This program, in its own little way, feels made for me personally, since none of the Koreans laugh aloud and celebrate the way I do when it comes on the screen. On "Dancing Subway", a Korean teenager, his image superimposed several times over to make it seem like there's more than one of him, teaches the people of Busan how to "hiphop dance". I've only seen two episodes ("Hopping" and the superior "Cross-Step"), but I've already learned so much; for one thing, raising your fist over your head and bringing it forcefully across your chest is a great way to accentuate the normally-pedestrian cross-step. At some point, I really hope to gather up the courage to practice these steps in the middle of the train (as my friend Marie has done), but for right now, I'll just marvel at the premise of a dancing tutorial playing as subway entertainment.

(Next time I see it airing, I will try to get video footage of it on my camera. It's just that good.)

(Also, you may have noticed that this is the first time that I've used colored and bold lettering. I promise not to make this a habit.)

2) Along with the aforementioned pageantry, you are also assured of at least one sales pitch being delivered by a car-to-car salesman. Normally these men are war veterans, or at least that's what I've gathered from the number of them missing limbs, and their wares are normally entirely useless, my favorite being a strap-on knee brace. These attempts normally last about five minutes, with the salesman walking, limping, or hopping from one end of the subway car to the other, item in hand, all while demonstrating the dubious functionality of his item. The other day, one particular merchant went above and beyond; for what seemed like 15 minutes, he worked every possible angle a person possibly could when trying to sell a package of four "Reach" toothbrushes, yet never actually mimicked brushing his teeth. He brushed his arms, the outside of his cheeks, his shoes, but never his teeth. At one point, he stuck the toothbrush through a hole in an unopened package to show that it could be used as a handle as well. Never have I felt more compelled to buy a sub-par toothbrush, but I managed to restrain myself from giving in to my naive consumer instincts. While I understood nothing of what he said, it was easily one of the best spectacles that I've been witness to yet in Korea, although it loses a lot of its charm in this telling. Just trust me.

Ok... I'm school-bound at this point, but I've made a few promises regarding posts yet to be written. I swear to you that there will be photos of my apartment soon enough, and I still haven't talked about my first temple visit. These things will happen.

Regarding Ipods and my internet connection...

2005-09-13T11:26:00.000+09:00

In order to fuel some discussion here, I wanted to ask a question for those of you who have Ipods: when on shuffle, do you notice that your machine almost always chooses the gayest songs available? I always prefer the randomness of shuffle compared to listening to full albums, since it forces some variety into my listening habits, but I'm getting a little tired of my Ipod always choosing Dusty Springfield and The Ronnettes from the plethora of options it has. At work, there's a side of me that's a little scared that someone will ask, "So what are you listening to?" and I will have to hide my head in shame. Don't ever tell that to Dusty though; oh wait, I guess you couldn't anymore anyways.

To the point: anyone else ever have this problem? Does your Ipod always choose the Echo and the Bunnymen ahead of AC/DC? Leonard Cohen (who, yes, was engaged to Rebecca De Mornay, but is still perceived as fruity by most) over Gang of Four? The Magnetic Fields over every band ever? Honestly, I kinda think my Ipod is gay, and I'm wondering whether or not that makes it returnable under the warranty.

Also, I was unable to update last night because of my faulty internet connection. Before I came here, I had read much ballyhoo over the speedy connections in SoKo, but so far, I honestly couldn't tell you the difference. Then again, the only thing I've downloaded has been an Itunes update.

AIM

2005-09-12T00:15:00.000+09:00

Just to keep you informed, I'm now frequently on AOL Instant Messenger under the name "OliverOptic2004", as well as Yahoo Messenger as "jmeyerriecks". If willing, maybe you should add me to your long list of friends. Booyah?

Restaurant signage...

2005-09-11T17:03:00.000+09:00

A real brief precursor to a longer post on Sunday's travels. Korea has a number of eateries that specialize in pork, chicken, and so on, and for each one, it's almost mandatory that they have a gloriously absurd cartoon mascot. My friend Marie is currently considering starting a blog exclusively dedicated to these characters (a request I made actually), but for right now, I just wanted to provide you with some examples:

One week in, my impressions on working at (hagwon's name withheld)...

2005-09-11T01:06:00.000+09:00

To start, I'm not sure how candid I can be about my workplace, given the giant clause in my contract that says, "Don't disclose shit or you're out of a job." Somehow or another, I doubt that a lowly blog such as mine will cross the bigwigs' paths, but I'm still using some discretion here.

You take the good:

Having worked for three years at a school where the possibility always existed that I might knock out (or to be more realistic, get knocked out by) a student, the classroom environment here is a Godsend. Out of my 12 classes, I can only think of two that seem remotely uncontrolled, and even in those situations, a little discipline goes a long way; for example, students who continually speak in Korean (yes, a punishable offense) are often asked to hold both hands up for an undisclosed period of time, and to my surprise, this actually works as an effective punishment technique. The worst thing I've had to do to any student yet is make him stand outside, and on coming back in, he was as close to angelic as I've seen a seven year-old.

Many teachers seem to complain about the perceivable jadedness of older students--the school day for a Korean teenager would knock an American on his/her ass, and there's a ridiculous amount of pressure to get a good score on the TOEIC exams-- but from my experience so far, as long as you are enthusiastic and go out of your way to put them into speaking situations, they're wonderful. I actually had a five minute discussion with a class today about whether or not Goofy (the Disney character) was a dog, and while in an American classroom this would have been a nice diversion, in a Korean classroom it's an incredible challenge for these kids to navigate the phraseology of such things... and no, this was not a conversation that I initiated-- the kids know their Disney here. Right now, my favorite classes, for the most part, are the ones with the older students.

The atmosphere in the office is friendly so far, although some foreign teachers have complained about the smiling underhandedness of the two head teachers. Unsurprisingly, the Korean teachers are all female, all but one still living at home, and while I have learned to effectively ignore hotness in the workplace, they're all gorgeous and fashionable. They're also overworked, especially compared to us lazy foreign teachers; one night last week I went into (hagwon's name withheld) after school at around 11:00 to check my email (I was still bound to the love motel), since most of them were still there working away. While I feel tremendous guilt knowing that they have to work what seems like double our hours, there's nothing I could do to help them, with all of the paperwork being in Korean and all. Despite the inequalities, each of them has been incredibly helpful getting me accustomed to the way things are done at (hagwon's name withheld).

There are many other things that have made me happy with the choice to work here, but I'm not going to let myself get carried away with this email... I'm waking up early tomorrow to go to Beomeosa, a temple/tourist trap, for my day off. Now the negatives...

Alright, I was virtually shoved into the six-day-a-week work week, thanks to my recruiter continually assuring me that "You're never going to find a job where you don't work on Saturdays." That's bullshit, and unfortunately I played along; even at my school, one teacher managed to negotiate a contract with a full weekend of Saturday and Sunday, and two other teachers have Tuesdays and Thursdays off. Any major travelling that I wanted to do is simply limited to the few holidays that I have off; I guess the flipside of the coin is that living in Korea is essentially a vacation in itself, and Busan is certainly capable of delivering many a Sunday's worth of entertainment and sightseeing.

Another downside to my schedule: on a daily basis, my hours are 3:00 to 8:55, making it difficult to do anything at night aside from going out to drink. I was looking at signing up for Muay Thai classes, and that essentially fell through because of these hours, unless I choose to take classes with people 15 years younger than me. The movie theaters that I've found normally have their last showings just a little bit out of my range, although a new multiplex will be going up a few blocks from my school in the next month or so. Going into this, not having to work until the mid-afternoon seemed like a pretty sweet deal, but now that I'm here, I'm seeing that it limits me in many ways. Flipside: at least I'm not working a split-shift, and now I have some really solid hangover insurance.

There are a few entirely pointless things that new teachers have to do in order to please the bureaucracy, the most annoying being lesson plans. I know you're probably thinking that lesson plans sound like a reasonable request, especially considering that most incoming foreign teachers have never actually taught a class in their lives; I would have thought this, too, but it's clearly busy work with absolutely zero functionality in the classroom. In writing a plan for a class where I had to teach fruits and vegetables, I had to list each individual word that I would be teaching the students; rather than summarizing it all as "fruit and vegetable-related vocab", I had to list all 50 words, only to see this "plan" filed away never to be seen again once I handed it in. I've yet to use any of these plans in the classroom, and you're almost discouraged to do so; I had to specially request that my plans be given back to me after the head teacher looks through them, and from his reaction, I think this was one of the first times he had heard this request. Most of the time I just copy the required information directly from whatever book I'm teaching's Teacher's Guide. These plans normally take me about an hour a day, and thankfully I only have to do them for the first three months.

Small complaint: I have to fill out a fuckin' request form to get a red pen. The first one given to me started leaking the other day, so I asked one of the head teachers whether I could have a new one; she pointed towards the blank request forms on the bulletin board. I filled it out, gave it to her, and immediately afterwards, she gave me a red pen. Understand that I've never really worked in an office in my life: things like this are new to me, although like everyone else, I've seen "Office Space" enough to know that this is not an epidemic exclusive to Korea. Still annoying.

All in all, considering the stories I've heard about hagwons, I think I lucked out; none of the veteran foreign teachers have complaints that I'd consider serious, and my hagwon is financially stable enough that I'll never have to worry about missed paychecks or anything... I think it's only logical to cross your fingers when saying the latter though.

The next update will surely include photographic evidence of my visit to Beomeosa, just so I can show you that I'm cultured and all... I swear I am.

Naming students...

2005-09-08T18:07:00.000+09:00

Neal, one of the funnier teachers here at ECC, has told me that the greatest joy I will get from teaching here will be from naming the new students who come here each month. I've only had one so far, and I pussied out and named her Holly, but I'd imagine as my level of comfort grows I'll be a little more saucy with the monikers I dish out.

One of my favorite students--and definitely my favorite name-- is a 10 year-old boy named Merpit. When I first got the roll sheet, I had to ask several people why there was a student named Merpit in my class. It turns out that two teachers made a bet two years ago over who would be the first to name a student "Merpit", and ever since then, the kid stuck with the name has embraced its absurdity. The first day of class I asked him whether or not he'd like me to give him a more regular name, but he genuinely feels like a Merpit at this point, I guess. Smart kid, too.

Batman comes in a close second, but he doesn't have the charm of Merpit. I've been making a rough list of names that I'd like to see used by the end of my tenure here, and I'm writing this post primarily to ask for your suggestions, since I'm sure you have many of them. "Duder" and "Broseph", of course, are high on my list, but I probably don't need to tell you that.

The view from the rooftop of ECC...

2005-09-08T12:40:00.000+09:00

Pictures are up...

2005-09-08T11:39:00.000+09:00

Large statues of Starcraft characters pose outside of a children's arcade

A famous statue of Admiral Yi overlooks the city of Pusan (and my tour bus)

Admiral Yi again, along with Busan Tower

If you need an artificial limb, this is totally the best deal in town

Busan Station and an anonymous vendor

I've been very busy over the past couple of days, making it hard to write a legit update for everyone. I can tell you that last night I went to the most spectacular Korean franchise bar/restaurant last night with some other teachers; you might ask, "What makes this Korean franchise bar/restaurant spectacular?" I would then tell you that each night, seemingly at a random time, the lights will go out and a loud techno version of "Happy Birthday" will play over the loudspeakers. Then strobe lights positioned at the corners of the room will start flashing, and out of the corner of your eye you will see two grown men--one in a dog costume and the other dressed as a chef with a giant head--running around to each table to dance in front of those seated. Periodically an MC will come over the loudspeakers and shout something entirely incomprehensible, but then again, I don't speak Korean. There's no rhyme or reason, but apparently whichever table screams the loudest for the costumed dancers gets a free round of soju. When I eventually become wealthy beyond all belief, I plan on opening a place exactly like this in the St. Louis area.

Back to my main point, I posted a bunch of pictures related to my past posts, and on this post, you can see some lovely shots documenting my Sunday excursion through Jagalchi, Mt. Yongdu Park, and Taejongdae. I promise to give you a thorough description of goings-on when things settle down here in SoKo.

(P.S. Leave some comments. I sometimes feel like I'm writing to air.)

I should add that this was on the TV when I woke up this morning...

2005-09-04T21:31:00.000+09:00

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118645/

When I look back on why I had such a good day today, I can only assume it was because of this.

Prepare yourselves...

2005-09-04T21:10:00.000+09:00

Tonight's my last night in the love motel, so you will all be served a dish of fine photography courtesy my laptop sometime in the next 48 hours. Included will be newly-taken pictures of the Jagalchi Fish Market, where I tried to get a close-up of the single grossest carcass available (and there were many). Ever see someone take a knife to a live octopus? I have!

You'll also be thrilled by action shots of me cooking bulgolgi and duck at a buffet, also in Jagalchi; at said restaurant, there's an entire assortment of fresh meat that you cook yourself on a heated plate at your table. Like any buffet, they also had an assortment of food that didn't require you braving the hot plate, and to my delight, some nice and plump tater-tots were one of the available dishes. Amazing, and only 8000 won for the experience.

I also hit up the area of Pusan where they hold the International Film Festival in October... probably the most insanely-busy street that I've ever walked down. I'll describe things in much more detail tomorrow when I'm not in the environs of Oops! PC, but tonight I have to get to sleep a little earlier so I can move in before school.

Again, a brief note of interest...

2005-09-03T19:42:00.000+09:00

The Korean students are often named by their foreign teachers, who are asked to give them "authentic" American names. Unfortunately I don't have any brand new classes, so I'm stuck with the names already given, but I do have one class of pre-schoolers who are named Tex, Vern, and Hank, and my challenge class (oddly enough called "Special Class" here) has a student named Batman. To me, this is the best thing ever.

Things seem very hectic on the first day, but I can see how the job will get a lot easier as time goes by. Dealing with younger kids will take some getting used to, as my legs clearly weren't made for a ten minute game of "Red Light, Green Light". I'll drop some more info about teaching later on, since it's not really fair of me to discuss until I've done it for a week or two.

First experience with Korean Fried Chicken is going down tonight and I couldn't be more thrilled. Who among you would have bet that I would be in Korea over a week before I ate fried chicken? Miracles do happen.

Saw first-hand last night why many Koreans hold an unfavorable stance on American GIs. At a club we went to, there were three shaven-haired American dudes wearing oversized throw-back jerseys and shit-kicking sneers. A lot of western hip-hop was played, and in a way that reminded me of some of my kids back at ACE, these guys did their best get-krunk dance while shouting along with stale shit like DMX and (STL Represent) Jaekwon. Maybe it was the shot of Jaeger I took with one of the departing teachers, but it seemed like they were grinding on quite a number of Korean girls, while the Korean men would often just dance with each other; in the most amazing moment of kinda-gay-but-(shrug)-that's-Korea bravado that I've seen yet, two Korean men took their shirts off and demonstrated their moves to each other to Beyonce's "Crazy in Love". Anyways, I didn't even dare talk to the military guys, out of fear that I'd drunkenly tell them to ease up on the sexual harassment on the dance floor, so I know it's not fair of me to judge based on my visual stance alone... on our flight from Incheon to Pusan, Mike and I met an American officer who was by all means a stellar bro, and I guess the chance exists that if I had talked to these rabble-rousers from last night that they would have been good guys. Who knows?

Last class is coming up, so I'll leave it at that.

Briefly...

2005-09-02T18:21:00.000+09:00

Near Pusan National University (PNU), there are a number of street vendors who seem open all hours, or at least through the prime drinking times. This area is home to "Soul Trane", a bar that seems to be all the rage among a nice mix of foreigners and Korean college students; it's the place that--if you've been keeping up with me--brought about my "bathtub" night, and it seems to be the watering hole of choice for the group of foreigners I've befriended. Back to my main point: these street vendors sell one of the most delightful late night bar-hopping snacks that a man could ever find-- corndogs with french fries cooked inside the batter. At the stand I stopped at, I managed to get one for a cool 600 won (60 cents), which almost made me consider making them a daily part of my diet. This story goes nowhere, but I'm glad to tell it.

I start teaching classes tomorrow... very excited to be over with orientation, which dragged on for this entire week despite the fact that I could have been presented all of its information in one day. I taught a golden Model Lesson today about the differences between "Might" and "Will" for the other teachers; apparently the Korean teachers were all really impressed, although anything approaching constructive criticism seems hard to find here. Overall, I'm confident that this will be the easiest teaching job I've ever had. I think that's a good thing, at least for now.

Regarding the coolest man I've ever met...

2005-09-01T15:33:00.000+09:00

As previously mentioned, last night the other foreign teachers and I went out to a German-style restaurant in a more cosmopolitan area of Pusan, which at some point I'll be able to give you by name. Like many of these places that cater to foreigners, it was housed within a ritzy hotel (again, name escapes me, but I've got photos), but today was pay day (for the teachers who've been here more than a week at least) and thus no luxury was out of reach. Also like many of these places that cater to foreigners, this German-style restaurant was at the same time a sub-par pizzeria, a disco with a house band named "Grasshopper" (no joke), and a mock island paradise with inflatable fish hanging from the ceiling... in other words, it wasn't entirely sure who the hell it was catering to, so it just tossed as many different themes into the pot as it could. Final point of comparison: any place that appeals to us 'Mericans charges at least double the amount for beer/food that a normal restaurant would.

Anyways, I guess I'll start by briefly describing Grasshopper, a female-fronted five-piece that, according to the flyer posted out front, starred an electric saxophonist. When they took the stage, I was disappointed to see that there was no electric saxophonist, although the keyboardist did often play using the "saxophone" sound... I was hoping for somethig more akin to the Tri-Lambda performance in "Revenge of the Nerds", but fuck if I don't secretly pray for that at any concert I go to. For my first live show in Korea (I don't count the Jazz-Haus), it was pretty mediocre; they played "Lady Marmalade" and some Lionel Ritchie song, but everything else was incomprehensible and bland. The Koreans in attendance loved them though.

How do I even begin to describe how much I love Korean businessmen? The restaurant had one pool table on an island platform across from our table, and a group of businessmen were using it from the moment we arrived. After ordering and eating our food (a "capable" pizza, although they're really skimpy on meat and sauce here; as a side-note, it's very hard to get pizza that doesn't include sweet corn as a topping), Mike Mackenzie and I were anxious to challenge the guys, as they didn't seem particularly gifted (plus they were waste-oid, a mandatory business practice here from what I've read). On going up to them, they were immediately excited to get us involved in the game. I WISH I had a picture of these dudes, since I'd like to keep the visual there forever, but alas, I only have a vague description at the ready: the boss was decked out in a nice white button-up shirt, skinny as a rail, well-coiffed but sweaty from drinking, and noticeably older than the others. His surrounding party were all wearing the same polo shirt with company logo on the front, and were clearly catering to every whim he had. The Koreans asked us whether we wanted to gamble, and being a confident bunch, we suggested a round of beers be bought by the losers; understand that the whole time we're discussing this, the boss has his arm(s) around me and/or Mike. Periodically he breaks from speaking in stunted English and speaks Korean with the shortest guy in the bunch, who then translates everything he said for us. Our conversation mostly consisted of us giving our thoughts on Korea and them nodding excitedly when I told them things like, "Koreans are much friendlier than Americans" and "I actually think the food here is pretty good."

The first game went well for a while... I sank a number of balls (insert joke here), and with each shot made, the business guys would erupt in clapping and shouts of "GOOD SHOT!" The boss was a pretty terrible player, but every now and then he would take his pool stick and play air guitar to the agile sounds of Grasshopper. Mike and I ended up losing when I scratched on the 8-ball, but the boss refused to take our money for beer and instead bought two of the largest-size pitchers for us ($32). We played another game, but this time the boss motioned to another member of his posse to play. Whoever he was, he was really good; I wouldn't be shocked if they keep him on staff just for moments like this. He knew how to use english on the ball, was banking balls off of the rails properly, and so on. We sank a few of our Stripes, but it was a lost cause from the beginning. When the Korean team got down to the 8-ball, the boss motioned for the expert to miss the shot, which he promptly did. After I missed badly on my shot, the expert squatted down and put his hand on the railing precisely on the point that the boss needed to hit the cue ball off of to make an impressive shot. Two of the other underlings squatted and pointed similarly, each on the point where the ball would hit off of. The boss proceeded to take the shot as suggested and of course sank it in spectacular fashion. If I had video of all of this, you'd understand how amazing it was to witness; I want--NEED--these guys at my wedding.

The boss kept holding my hand, which sounds gay but isn't in Korea, and he also fed me (in "Open the Hangar"-style) some of the German sausage that he had bought, which sounds gay and might actually be gay. My excuse: I was drunk and the sausage looked really good compared to the ho-hum pizza I had had earlier. By the end of the night, these guys probably spent at least 50 dollars on us, and until my dying day, they will be the best dudes I've ever met in my life. They left before we did, arm-in-arm singing boisterous Korean ballads. Good times.

Addendum to "Not for the Squeamish"

2005-09-01T12:40:00.000+09:00

After a very subtle, mostly implied conversation with Nick, the head teacher at ECC, I was given a note for the pharmacy to supply me with an ointment capable of rendering the previously-mentioned bug bite harmless. The pharmacist supplied me with a cream called "Kid A", which means I can only hope that Thom Yorke also suffered from an ass-welt at some point in his life. I applied a glop in my school's bathroom and crossed my fingers.

At about 9:00 last night, my egg hatched. The eagle soared, and all things ran dry. It ruined a pair of my boxers, but the sense of relief knowing that this was only a 24 hour malady was more than enough to make up for them.

Funny story that acts somewhat as a predecessor for a post to come:

In the morning, I couldn't angle my rear in a way that I could see whether or not I was growing a tail in the mirror. Like any concerned person, I was desperate for visual affirmation, so I used my digital camera to take a couple of photos of the upper portion of my ass. I brought them up on my laptop, puked, and moved on with my day, not thinking twice about their presence on my memory card.

Last night, the other foreign teachers and I went out to a faux-German restaurant (of which I have numerous photos and stories, but those are for another post), and like any newcomer, I brought my camera along. Ryan, my future roommate (gruff Texan, imposing physical presence, reminds me of Wilford Brimley if he was a 28 year-old offensive lineman), asked if he could see my camera. Without thinking, I handed it to him and he started looking through my pictures. The first few he saw were random shots of the skyline or what-have-you, but then... "What the fuck!? Is that your ass!?"

I felt after its physical presence had run its course that maybe my humiliation was over, but apparently from this point on I'm going to be labelled as the guy who took close-up photos of his ass. Good stuff.

Various stories from the past few days...

2005-08-31T11:59:00.000+09:00

For the few of you who have urged me to post more often, I apologize. Once I get into my apartment next Monday, things should become a little more consistent. With that being said, here are a few sparkling moments I've had recently:

1) After leaving a BBQ held by the departing teachers from my hagwon (in short: good time, no normal-size buns in Korea, Hite beer is a little watered down, the rooftop on which it was held could potentially be dangerous when I'm plastered), I had the pleasure of riding in the best cab in Korea. The driver was initially quiet, but I saw him reaching for a tape in the glove compartment. Once popped in, the dulcet sounds of Julio Iglesias filled the cabin, and the driver smiled at me and nodded, "Julio Iglesias?" Having broken the ice, he told me in pidgin English that he had been to America--NYC, Chicago, and San Francisco specifically-- and enjoyed it very much. We had a stunted conversation about gimchi and Korean pronunciation, and he told me which landmarks other cab drivers would know so that I could more easily explain how to get back to my motel. All in all, a great dude, and I tipped him nicely, despite it not being necessary here.

2) I went to what I've heard called an Orange Restaurant for the first time by myself yesterday. These places are all over the area by my hagwon, so apparently it's important to understand what you're doing there. I ordered gimchi bokkumbop (egg over fried rice with seaweed served with a side of kimchi), since I'd had some on an earlier excursion with some other foreign teachers and liked it. A father and his three kids sat at a table next to me, and throughout my meal, these kids would come up to me and say hello, smiling ear-to-ear. Apparently this is something you get used to; many parents, when seeing foreigners, want their children to show off their English skills in a natural setting, and I have no problem since typically the kids are adorable. Anyways, I'm glad that I got through the whole ordeal unscathed, and the woman serving me even gave me a menu with items that she thought I'd like circled. This story lacks excitement, but sometimes even little things like this seem adventurous as hell when you first get here, especially when you're not under the watchful eye of the experienced foreigners.

3) Don't even get me started on the food here; the prices are outrageously cheap, but the quality is almost always insanely good. The best thing I've had so far is Mandu (dumplings stuffed with pork and vegetables drowned in a sweet sauce), which is very American of me, but oh well. A plateful (10-12 thick dumplings) cost 3000 won ($3.00). My first day here, Mike Hughes and I went to a bulgolgi place, not knowing at the time what it was. Again, for 3000 won a piece, we got a huge bowl of bulgolgi (marinated beef) that was cooked on a metal plate in front of us. Along with that, there were freshly-cooked slices of garlic, some kind of potato cakes, and fresh lettuce to wrap everything within. If I'm having a difficult time explaining this, it's because with every meal you seem to get at least 4-5 free sides that you apparently incorporate into the main dish. Actually, describing food is not a strength of mine, so I should probably keep myself from doing it until I get more well-versed. Long story short, the food is good and really cheap, and like I told some people already, you could probably eat at a different restaurant every day of the year and not have to leave a one-mile radius.

4) An older teacher named Mary has been showing me around over the past couple of days, despite the fact that when we first hung out we had to respond to an older Korean man who asked us whether we were "intimate friends". Blushes, of course, spread like wildfire during this exchange. Anyways, she showed me the subway system and took me to Hauendae, the most popular beach-front in Pusan. First off, the subway is really easy to use, with only two main lines existing right now; a third one is apparently set to open by the end of the year, thus all of the construction in my area. The trains are very clean compared to ones in other cities I've visited, and stops are both numbered and in English, making it the least intimidating way of getting around in Korea that I've found so far.

There are plenty of pictures of Haeundae that I'll put up once I get to the apartment, so I'm not going to waste too much time trying to put it into words. It was a hazy day for summertime in Pusan, so the beach was pretty empty relative to some of the stories I've heard; apparently at it's busiest, over a million people crowd onto the sand and boardwalk there, and having glanced at a tourist guide or two, it seemed to me that there would be an ocean of umbrellas dominating the beach when I got there. Alas, there were only a few groups of kids on a field trip, a bunch of older Koreans employed to keep the area clean (can be identified by bright yellow shirts), and a couple of other groups not so easily classified. Still, the fish market (not as large as Gwangali (I think that's what it's called)) was amazing to peruse, with octopi and eel just as common as the seafood you'd find in the States. According to Mary, if you buy eel there, the shop owner will chop it up in front of you and you can eat its segments as they still squirm. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that just yet. The main aquarium in Pusan was also right off the beach there, and this is where I plan on scuba diving in the shark tank once some of the other STL folks arrive here.

Mary, Mike, and I only had an hour or two to spend here before school started, but it was enough to convince me that I'll need to go back before it becomes too cold to swim. I also went to my first Korean Dunkin' Donuts, which is home to the one American delicacy that I will feel no guilt feasting on.

That's all for now... thanks for your continued support.

Not for the squeamish...

2005-08-31T11:40:00.000+09:00

(I shit you not: do not read this if you are bothered at all by the grotesque.)

I bring this up only to demonstrate my commitment to honesty, along with the delicious horror of it all... Think of the worst bug bite you've ever been struck with multiplied by a thousand and then you might begin to understand what I found on myself last night. Somehow, an intrepid mosquito took it upon himself to navigate perhaps through my shirt and boxer shorts to the very spot below the tail of my spine. Nestling himself between the upper portion of my ass cheeks, he decided to take a sip of my sweet nectar, depositing his own share of poison to make sure no gift went unreturned. Over time, this bite has turned into a massive gobstopper-sized welt, and despite no intentional itching on my part, just the movement of my ass has been enough to cause it to grow even further. At this point, I consider it a kind of katamari (just play the game already), growing in diameter by the day; I anxiously await the day when a crimson pulsing bowling ball rips my pants open from the back, stunning everyone in sight. I hope none of this ever happens to you; it hurts even when I think of sitting down.

I've now set my mind to devising unique torture methods for every insect I find in my love motel, turning Room 301 into a miniaturized Abu Ghraib. If I could find a six-legged Lyndie England (or whatever her name was), I would reward her nicely for her assistance.

I'll be posting more pertinent stories later on today, but presently this is taking up a considerable percentage of my thoughts. Pray for me. Also, if any of you can trump my "Worst Insect Bite Ever" story, maybe I'll buy you a Korean pencil case or something. Go ahead and try.

(Also, in the need to be humanitarian and all, best wishes to any of you who have family/friends in the Louisiana area. I haven't kept up enough with the coverage on CNN World here, but from the snippets I've managed to see, it looks terrible.)

First time in a PC Bang...

2005-08-28T14:12:00.000+09:00

A PC Bang is essentially a Korean version of the Internet Cafe, minus coffee and hipster clientele, plus 50 kids between the ages of 12 and 18. Counterstrike and Warcraft seem to be the popular choices on the floor, and periodically a group of kids will start singing along with the ballads that are playing over the loud speakers. It's on the 9th floor of a building across the street from my school, and while I've only been in here for 10 minutes, I'm already anxious to get net access at home.

Two other teachers and I went to this place called the Jazz Haus last night; unfortunately I didn't get a chance to take any photos, but imagine a dead-ringer for the bar that Chow Yun Fat plays at in "Hard-Boiled". The sax player there whaled some cherry jams, most sounding either like Glenn Frey's "You Belong to the City" or a bed-side tune from a Shannon Tweed movie. The crowd leaned towards the older end of things, so we merely had two beers and called it a night. I watched some Pride Fighting Championships at the motel, soaked my shoulder and knees in the tub (one still sore from dislocation, one sore from my previous night of fake splits), and fell asleep pretty early.

Now that I know this place has USB Ports (my CPU at school does not), I'll upload some photos ASAP. Take care all.

Adventures of Pusan-John (Pt. 1)

2005-08-27T15:25:00.000+09:00

Preface: My only internet access currently is at my school (Puk-Busan Sisa ECC), and for every English letter on the screen there are at least 20 han'gul characters, making things like uploading pictures and using smiley faces incredibly difficult. Apologies.

So I made it in one piece, just to let you all know, and thanks to my in-flight entertainment, I have a lot more insight into the comedic stylings of one Jimmy Fallon from my six viewings of "Fever Pitch" back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back. I would pause every now and then to bore myself with "Sahara", would periodically thank the lord for Hillary Duff in "Cheaper by the Dozen", but it was Jimmy and Drew who kept me coming back for more. We stopped in Incheon for a couple hours--biggest and cleanest airport I've ever seen-- and went to Lotteria, a Korean fast-food knock-off. A lot of odd things stood out right away, especially the fact that in the bathroom they had a framed picture of the custodian in charge of its upkeep; they even printed his personal phone number if you had any complaints. I guess that's one way to keep the commode clean. Anyways, nice airport.

(I'm realizing right now that to get everything that's happened in the past three days would require far more ambition and time than I have. I'm sure you understand if I summarize right now and fill in gaps later.)

When Mike Hughes (another new arrival at our school-- solid guy, Californian, incredibly knowledgeable about food/politics) and I arrived at the airport, our head teacher picked us up in a van. The skyline of Pusan at night nearly made me crap myself; I'll post photos later, but imagine the topography of San Francisco filled to the brim with crazy neon, backed by a huge foliage-filled mini-mountain. Nick gave Mike and I the bad news that one of us was going to have to stay in a motel until one of the foreign teachers left our apartment (September 3); we flipped a coin to see who'd end up where, and Murphy's law demanded that I lost the toss. The motel is in one of the many alleyways/side-roads that house smaller store-fronts, and I could immediately see that it was a shady establishment. My room has a broken condom machine, a bed clearly made for humping, and a couple of free pornography channels. One of them specializes in work-place porn, which seems incredibly cruel; often there won't even be intercourse, but rather a boss (always male, always wearing glasses) punishing his female underling's nipples/toes/mouth. Needless to say, this channel is on a lot.

Real abbreviated story about my first night in Pusan:

Rice wine really operates fast. Fell in love with a Canadian girl who I grinded with to Lil' John (yes, he's here, too). Passed out on the cab ride home. After sleeping for three hours, woke up in the bathtub with the water running. Most expensive book that I bought about Korea was in the sink and was soaked. Watched Schwarzeneggar's "The Sixth Day" because it was the best thing I could find in English. Have no idea how any of this happened. In addition, people here ADORE the fake splits.

That's it. Photos and more stories to come.

Testing...

2005-08-22T14:17:00.000+09:00

I'm mostly just seeing what this looks like. Expect detailed information regarding my last days in the States in the next few days. Presently, the only thing that seems important to mention is that my kid sister introduced me to this:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089254/

I'm making it a point to pirate some copies and distribute them amongst my friends, holding out minimal hope that the collected works of director Krishna Shah (a Yale graduate?!) will catch figurative fire, making it possible for me to buy the Sleepaway Camp sequels individually on DVD as opposed to in a complete set; the second one (subtitled "Unhappy Campers") was a disappointment and I'd rather it not stain my collection. Anyways, "Hard Rock Zombies"... spectacular.

As far as first posts go, I understand this one is lackluster. Apologies.